Voices In My Head

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Humility

I always thought I was being humble by rejecting praises by going 'NO lah', 'Where got lah', 'Okay only lah'...


I always thought I was being humble by NOT getting into the limelight but to be behind the scenes.


I always thought I was being humble when I share my credits or acknowledgements with others.


I did NOT know I could be the most prideful person while doing so.


You could be humble by doing so sincerely, but I think humility is more than that and humility doesn't always come in times of victory but also in 'defeat'.


I realised that when most people 'fail' they tend to blame it on something or someone else ; myself included. Unconciously I blame circumstances and certain people for my mistakes. I still believe God would prosper my mistakes but when I go to Him in prayer, my heart goes something like 'Daddy God I know you can prosper my mistakes even so WHO AND WHO caused me to be in this mess.' By saying so, I'm still very much on self-effort as deep down my focus is that if those circumstances had not cause me to fall I would very well still be standing tall by my efforts.


I believe that humility leads us to admitting defeat. Not defeat for our problems but defeat in our self efforts.


I've made my decision to go home after discussing with my family, I don't want to spend 10 months hating my job and the place I live. I'm told that God would not short change me whether I stay or leave. I could go home and still be in delusion thinking that with a change of location and environment I would be able to excel better and perhaps enjoy my work more to only find myself ending up in the same situation. Or I could stop blaming the people and circumstances but to admit defeat that I'm not able to take on all these on my own but to depend on the grace of God.


Why do I still want to go back since its not the location or environment that would make things better?


Thats because if God is faithful no matter where or when I would rather be in a place where I would feel better. No doubt God could prosper me here in China or back in Malaysia. But I've chosen to spend my next 10 months back home.

posted by Jonathan Wan at 8:43 AM

4 Comments:

  • Hi, juz read through your blog and gotta know that you finally gave up ur course and planning to go for another course. From my personal opinion, I'm not sure whether it'z a right choice to do. I felt the fact was that you have chosen the course and you should take responsibility for the consequences of your choice. It's true that God gave us choices and whichever, God still be with us and bless us. I think it's even noble to be responsible to the mistakes being made and stick to it. This will lessen your parents' financial burden, and also, you finally graduated and experienced what real working life is all about. Only from then, you should look into your own interests by supporting yourself. In a nutshell, i felt you stick to it right till the end and you gotta to think whether it's the BEST choice for you what you made.

    By Blogger Lee Chee Keat, at 10:34 AM  

  • i know what real working life is. i'm working now. well most people don't know the whole story and i'm not quitting my course. Just my current internship. I have spoken to my parents and they agree and support on what I am doing which is NOT giving up this course half way through.

    well its true what u say, but also why waste time going for something that i don't feel like it? time versus money. its up to individual to determine which is more important. But then again its a matter of individual and in this case i'm openly discussing this with my family.

    i'm blessed with a very supportive family and also a very loving God. Whatever my future holds or whatever course i'll take next i do not know but i trust in Him. I'm not giving up my course just as u think. but thanks for ur concern and advice.

    By Blogger Jonathan Wan, at 12:27 AM  

  • hey jon, how far hav u been?
    i was jz passing by.
    i got some verse here, nt specifically 4 u, but jz hav a thought of sharing wif ya.

    Proverbs 13:10
    Proverbs 16:18,19
    1Corinthuans 1:26-29


    im telling u nth, nor any message.
    jz a type of sharing. :)

    By Blogger yongkim, at 9:39 PM  

  • Hi, sorry for the really late reply. Anyway, I hope you will understand my drift- juz want to see you to be a responsible person and don't want to see your parents suffered as they really earn hard money. Whatever it is, praying that things will work out good for you. take care.

    By Blogger Lee Chee Keat, at 1:15 PM  

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