Lost In Switzerland

3rd day back in Swiss and i'm still feeling down and low.
I have loads to catch up and whoopdedoo Mid Term is so conveniently placed on the next day after my arrival. But thats not what's bothering me, I can cope with that, I just can't stand being 6000 miles away from home.

I would like to point out my lovely cousin Michelle's post 'Of Choices and Mistakes'.
let me quote her post

~~Life is never fair. Full of choices and full of nonsenses. We have to make ht best choice and truthfully that particular choice may not be the best choice for us but yet at that very moment, that seems like the only best choice in your eyes.~~

okay, i've got no idea what choice or what she's actually refering to but she put into words what part of me is feeling.

I'm feeling so crappy in Switzerland and who is there to blame? - Myself.

It's a choice I made to come to Switzerland. I came here by MY own will WITH my parents' money, and a huge sum of money I may add. And i've been regretting that choice I made ever since i came back after my grandma's passing. I know even if i stayed back in Malaysia I couldn't have changed anything. However I would be able to spend more time with her before she left, it would have meant very much to me. Life offers us alot of choices, and like my cousin said we have to make the best choice but that particular choice may not be the best choice for us.

It's a privilege given the chance to study in Swiss, ideally it gives you exporsure, experience and possibly good a career after graduation. However, if given me the choice to choose again I would choose to be close to home. It sounds shortsighted, and foolish but hey, I would have saved myself from alot of Regrets and Emotions. As I was on the plane back to Switzerland the other day i've never felt so Lost before. My heart longs for home yet i'm forcing myself to go back to Switzerland. I kept questioning myself what am I doing, what was I thinking... Everyone says its only for a while, just a few years, it'll pass very fast. but things can change in a month, whatmore years? i don't want to keep sacrificing for an unforseen future which may never come, because you may keep working and sacrificing for that 'Future' which may be more abstract than you think.

I know i'm already here and i should complete my course. I will. my parents did not pay for nothing but i've learnt not to decide on my own. the next time i'll let He who knows my Future decide my Future.