Loving Her Forever

My Grandma passed away October 14 2006
around 2.35pm

That would be the day I have been dreading since I was a kid. My grandma, the woman who took care of me since i was 1 day old has since then been the closest person to me. Since young i have been praying that this woman would be able to walk through life with me. I remember before Christ came into my life, i kept praying if only if only someone up there would lengthen my grandma's life by taking a few years from my life and adding it to hers. Childish huh? Then I came to know Christ, and i came to know about heaven and hell. The first person whom i thought of was my grandma, and i've been praying for her in Jesus' name ever since then.

There were some times where we had some misunderstanding due to our different religion believes, but that was because we loved each other deeply. I wanted her to recieve salvation so badly i admit i got too forceful at times, while she kept praying for me because she thought i was being too fanatical. There were prayers prayed out of love more than anything else. Eventually we managed to keep the whole religion thing aside but I kept praying for her salvation while she kept praying for my well-being.

despite of that, i loved her as a grandma every single day and she loved me so dearly. she loved everyone of us. when i was told my grandma's illness was critical, i just 'brokedown'. I kept praying and praying. then my dad gave me a call on thursday 2 weeks ago asking me to return to malaysia. the situation then was so bad my dad couldn't tell would i be able to see my grandma by the time i returned on Saturday morning. I prayed and my prayers were answered, i got to see my grandma in her best condition since she was admitted into ICU that Saturday. What's next is all in my previous post. I kept praying for Healing and i believe that she will be healed. yet somehow she wasn't. her condition got worst till the doctors had all but one more alternative which wasn't even gonna cure her. my grandma who was fighting with a weak health for years decided to go home ; and so we brought her home.

the past 2 days were i believe the hardest days me and my family had ever been through. we could only stand by her bed and watch helplessly as my grandma got weaker and weaker. the phrase Look To God had never been so real. i could do nothing but pray, i prayed in tongues, i laid hands on my grandma i did everything i could think of, and even so in the end i had to let go and just Trust In God. during my grandma's last moments, everyone whom my grandma wanted to see stood by her bed and watched her leave peacefully. while everyone was crying, i couldn't think, i couldn't do anything.. my mind was blank. i just wanted a fellow Christian to tell me what happened. i tried calling my aunt, called yong kim, but i couldn't get through and the next number was Yue Hua.

A day later, after the funeral. things are starting to get in place. me and my family are mainly okay, because we believe that my grandma had lived a good life, and it was better for her to leave than being in her current state. i was being told by my fellow christian aunts and friends to take it easy and that Jesus has the final say. I believe God loves me grandma very very much. He was clearly thinking of her when He sent Jesus to die for her. My grandma was a very nice lady and despite living a rather hard life God gave her happiness. There are many things in which i don't understand. Alot of things i prayed for didn't seem to happen, and i've got so much to ask God. yet if it wasn't God who brought such a wonderful grandma into my life i would never have felt such love, such lost. and because of that i choose to stand firm in Jesus. such a loving God wouldn't let my grandma go that easily. He would have brought her home to where she belongs and i would live the rest of my life loving that great God and my Grandma with hope that i would see my grandma again when my story here ends.

Mama, Ngo Hou Gua Jue Lei