Abba, Father

I'm really looking forward to 'MAY BE' coming back end of this month. My academic semester is ending on the 27th this month and i'm supposed to start a 4 - 6 month internship after this month. Initial plan was to get an internship in switzerland. I went for an interview but got turned down and since i'm longing to go back i've decided to try getting an internship near home.

As i'm saying this i can already here all the voices of condemnation shouting things like 'Stupid', 'What a Waste', 'No point coming home'. Somehow these voices of condemnation sounds very much like what i think my parents' thoughts are to the point where i feel like i'm unwelcomed home. My parents are not like that, its all in my head yet somehow this premature return seems to be bothering my parents. I don't talk to anyone else about this because somehow i'm afraid they would say the same things.

I don't want to be seen as the spoilt brat who doesn't appreciate the opportunity study abroad. Yet this is how i've been led to feel like for the past few months. Honestly i would be feeling pretty bad by now, i feel so alone, if there's a time when i would feel like i just don't belong it would be now. I feel myself not belonging in Swiss, yet i feel like i don't belong back home as well. But i'm still a super blessed boy, because i know i belong to the most High God who happens to be my Daddy in Heaven.

During times when i feel like i'm failing everyone i love, i feel embarassed to go to anyone i know i have my Abba to run to. My failures, my mistakes have all been crucified at the cross. Even though there may be times i don't feel his love, there's never a time he doesn't love me. Yi Wern asked in my chatterbox "is zhu whee the only visitor?", whether the answer is Yes, or No it doesn't matter to me, i'll continue posting. Just like life, even if i've got nothing more but God i'll continue living, living in his Grace and Love forever.

I'm not comparing God to my parents, or trying to make my parents seem like the culprit. My parents love me alot, enough to send me away from home that i may have a brighter future. (no sarcasm here) There's a little misunderstanding between us, but i know neither one of us are perfect nor is anyone to be blamed. They need Abba just as much as i do, and i want them to know their son is in good hands because their Abba loves their son more than they can imagine. The world can think or say whatever they want about me, but God would raise me up above the world. I need not be compared to the child of another parent for i'm the child of God.

This is what i told my grandma before she left, that she need not worry about me for God is going to take care of me for the rest of my life, He'll bless me and prosper me, just as he will take care of her. And today i affirm my confession of His love, His willingness, His crucifixion for me. I cry out abba, father, and He comes, sacrficing himself just to be here for me.