Voices In My Head

jonwwy.wordpress.com

2008-10-07T21:33:00.002+08:00

new site at

jonwwy.wordpress.com

multiply is still alive and kicking at

jonwwy.multiply.com

blogspot remains stagnant but active at

jonwwy.blogspot.com

see the connection?

jonwwy.multiply.com

2008-08-09T00:38:00.002+08:00

For those of you who unknowingly stumbled upon my empty blogspot please note that I have been updating over at multiply since almost forever. It used to cross post over to this blog but somehow that doesn't seem to be working anymore. I wont be shutting down this site cause the site's name is MINE, MINE and MINE only, also I may just be re-updating back on blogspot in the near future.

Till then...

kindly head to

jonwwy.multiply.com

for updates.

Note:

Do be so kind to ignore the Casino and Viagra people who have SPAMed around my blogspot.

The Disaster that God is NOT responsible for

2008-06-03T19:20:00.000+08:00

I've been wanting to update for quite awhile with many posts brewing in my head but I never did get to writing them down. Perhaps they're meant to stay in my head as mere thoughts and nothing more.

Anyway, I found myself wanting to write this post about the China Sichuan Earthquake. I came across a contact's blog asking 'How Much Is God Responsible' (for the disasters in the world). It goes on to say if God is not the direct cause why does God allow it?

Weeks ago when I first heard about the cyclone in Myanmar and just days later the Sichuan Earthquake I kept imagining the people around me asking the same question - How can God allow this to happen? I posted my view on that contact's blog, later to realize he may not be interested in other's view and the question was posted as a mockery of sorts to what many of us have been believing in - a loving God.

I've decided to post my reply here for those who may be wanting to hear another perspective on such questions.

"If you wanna ask 'why does God allow....' then the questions are limitless.

Why did God allow free will knowing Adam would sin?

Why does God allow evil to exist?

and the list goes on...

While I don't have definite answers to most questions... I strongly believe that God is NOT behind all these disasters and that God IS NOT allowing the disasters to happen. I remember hearing one of Ps Prince's sermons right after the 2004 Tsunami took place. Ps Prince clearly said God is not behind it and that our world is a fallen world, such disasters do happen.

Its not to say that the All Mighty God is powerless to prevent such disasters, but that men gave up lordship over this earth to the devil when Adam sinned. While we who are in Christ are not of this fallen world, a huge population are still of this world with the devil being their lord.

Many of such disasters are man's own doing. God gave free will, man misused it. God did not bring evil into this world, man's sins did. God did not allow the disasters from happening, MAN DID when he gave his position to the devil.

My 2 cents... :) "

Thats just simply my point of view from the eyes of a boy who believes that same God that created him and everyone else on earth would simply let them perish.

I mentioned that man is 'responsible' for many disasters, but that is just my vague way of pointing out that God isn't responsible. I'm not blaming the Earthquake on any one country or race, and I definitely do not believe in Karma. (unlike Sharon Stone)

We would be going the completely wrong direction if we tried to put the blame anyone or anything but the devil. That said, neither should be linger on the cause of disasters, instead focusing on the miracles happening, the great stories and testimonies of courageous heroes and unfailing love birthed in such dark hours.

The Lord is doing a great work in China. This Earthquake will not dampen the Chinese' spirits and neither will it hinder the great plans our Lord has for China. My heart goes out to those grieving. I will never understand the pain they are going through but my prayers are that they'll come to know of a love much stronger than the pain they bear.

"Where sin abounds grace does much more abound," - Romans 5:20

The Story of the Monkeys of the Shitty Island

2008-05-10T14:17:00.000+08:00

" Somewhere, far, far away, there's a shitty island. An island without a name. An island not worth giving a name. A shitty island with a shitty shape. On this shitty island grow palm trees that also have shitty shapes. And the palm trees produce coconuts that give out a shitty smell. Shitty monkeys live in the trees, and they love to eat these shitty-smelling coconuts, after which they shit the world's foulest shit. The shit falls on the ground and builds up shitty mounds, making the shitty palm trees that grow on them even shittier. It's an endless cycle. "

- Toru Okada

Chapter 3

Noboru Wataya Speaks

The Story of the Monkeys of the Shitty Island

Forgotten Bibles

2008-04-26T10:57:00.000+08:00

Words handwritten by my dad found in a Bible he presented to my uncle years ago.

Today the Bible is not with my dad or my uncle.

Its being kept in my drawer along with the other Bibles which belong to my family one time or another. 'Forgotten' Bibles in my house seem to have a tendency of finding me.

It's interesting to find such Bibles, as many are filled with writings of a heart hungry for Jesus, a heart filled with excitement, joy and passion in discovering the beauty of our Lord Jesus.

Even though that passion and joy may have diminish over the years, those words remains as a reminder, a testament of sorts to that moment of hope and joy.

I don't believe that those who were once so deeply in love with Jesus will ever forget Him. You can't just forget someone whom you had such strong affections to. It may be disappointment or bitterness that have put out the flames of that once passionate heart, but one thing's for sure - those hearts are crying out to Jesus more than ever before.

I've seen my dad touched by His presence even after all these years. I may never understand my dad's disappointments or what's keeping him from Christ... but I believe he has not forgotten Jesus and neither has Jesus forgotten him.

Those forgotten Bibles will find their way back to their rightful owners...

Proud Earner of 200 Ringgit a Month

2008-04-12T14:30:00.000+08:00

I am the proud earner of 200 ringgit a month working at Shangri-La Kuala Lumpur as a trainee.

Now I can help support my family.

I can help pay for my sister's university tuition fees.

I could get that MacBook Pro.

I could get that 5 megapixel camera phone.

I could get that dream car of mine.

...

I could start thinking about retirement.

Wu Liao

2008-03-28T20:16:00.000+08:00

Taken at the Singapore Zoo. Photographed by Kin Wai

Speaking With The Dead

2008-03-17T10:51:00.000+08:00

My family and I visited an 'oracle' (credits to Kin Wai for suggesting this fancy name) who claims to be able to communicate with the deceased. Such practices are common among Buddist/Taoist believers in Malaysia as a part of Ancestral Worship. Seeing that my family were wishing to speak to my grandparents I decided to tag along not really knowing what to expect.

We woke up at 5am Sunday morning and drove to Pusing, a small town located just outside of Ipoh. It seems that the oracle we were going to is well known for her 'accuracy' when it comes to summoning spirits. There were people from all around the country coming to consult in her wishing to speak to their loved ones. The oracle has a peculiar system in operations though, only 10 places will be given each day at 6am and once the places have all been given out she declines to perform anymore summoning. This odd system is the reason many people wait outside her home during the wee hours in the morning despite the summoning only begins at 8am. Arriving early does not guarantee you a place either.

My family reached the oracle's home around 6am. As expected, many people were already waiting. The place was dark. The oracle's home was located at a dead end, next to an orchard. At about a quarter to 7 a window opened and a man started handing out numbers written on cardboard beginning from 1 - 10. My aunt managed to get places 8 and 9. We went back to Ipoh for breakfast and returned at 9. We waited awhile and our turn came around 10am.

I looked at the oracle and she appears to be a frail old woman. Her face was unnaturally pale, while her chracteristics and movement seem to be devoid of liveliness. She began the session by chanting and asking us about the name and time of death of the deceased. My aunt began telling her my grandfather's name and time of death. The oracle seems to be searching for my 'grandfather's spirit'. She asked a few more questions and made some predictions such as naming the relationships of the people present to the deceased. Upon ensuring that it is indeed my 'grandfather's spirit' she summons the spirit and was possesed by the spirit.

There I was looking at a woman who claims to be possesed by my 'grandfather's spirit'. Her voice was still hers, however her speech and tone resembled my grandfather's to a certain extent. The oracle was speaking to us in Hakka and now fluent Cantonese - the language my grandfather usually communicates with us. I'll skip the details but it did feel very much like speaking to my grandfather, again to a certain degree, Many things mentioned by my 'grandfather's spirit' were uncommon and were only known in the family. There was an instance where my 'grandfather's spirit' asked why didn't my sis and I address him even though we were present. We were shocked and awkwardly looked at the oracle and called 'Yeye'.

After 15 minutes or so, my 'grandfather's spirit' said he had to leave and 'left'. The exact same ritual was repeated in summoning my 'grandmother's spirit'. Upon possesion, the oracle spoke in a speech and tone very similar to my grandmother and since it was the voice of a woman it made it much more believable. My eyes started to tear a little the moment I heard that familiar tone distinct to my grandmother. Was that really my grandmother? The woman whom i've missed so much for the past year, the woman who was once and still is one of the closest person to me.

The entire session lasted about 40 minutes and we left with hearts full of memory for my grandparents.

Did I believe what really happened? Was that really my grandparent's spirit?

No, I choose not to.

I tagged along mainly because of curiosity and of course I missed my grandparents greatly. Honestly if I could contact them or be with them together in any way i'd do it. However I choose not to believe that those were my grandparents' spirit. I did not need to know what the spirits said, despite it being very accurate, it was nothing new. I know my grandparent's heart and everything the spirits had to say i've already known it. What was it then that spoke to us? I believe it was merely the spirit of that deity or any other spirit for that matter. The devil knew what my grandparents and my family went through, and he knows how much we miss them and long for their presence devising a lie that would bound us to believe that, to look away from that abundance, eternal life Jesus has prepared for us.

I don't need my grandparents to tell me how much they love me to know that they love me. I don't need my grandparents to say how happy they are so see my sis and I growing up, we already know that. Honestly there was nothing more to ask. What I want is a real relationship with them again, to see them again in person and continue spending time with them. I won't believe that Jesus did not save them and that's the only way i'd be able to communicate with them. Jesus has much better in stored for us, for that unbreakable bond and love He has fostered between my grandparents and I.

Thank you Jesus for setting me free from such bondages. If I didn't know the truth, i'd be just like anyone of those people who would wait there in the wee hours in the morning just to get a chance to speak to their loved ones for 15 minutes or so. If I didn't know the truth I would be visiting the oracle every other day hoping to continue my relationship with my grandparents.

Jesus you know how much I love them, how much I miss them. Remember that little boy who prayed silly, naive prayers silently that his life may be shorten to lengthen his grandmother's. Remember that little boy who doesn't want to live life without his grandparents.

Remind that boy of the precious relationship shared between him and his grandparents.

Remind that boy of that everlasting life You have prepared for him and his grandparents.

Remind that boy that You love Him.

I See Grace

2008-03-14T21:24:00.000+08:00

I see grace everywhere. 3 of my friends have such amazing testimonies of God's grace in their careers. Its exactly like the many career blessing testimonines i've read and heard in church whereby God open up pathways for them and all they did was to simply receive His blessings. I on the other hand keep getting into obstacles to the point where i'm not sure if I'd want to continue on this path anymore.

I do not dream of hotels. I barely even think of hotels yet I found myself halfway through a hospitality course. I made up my mind to complete the 3 year course to get an advance diploma knowing that its only temporary. After my advance diploma I'll consider to opt for a different course if possible or continue for a hospitality related Degree. At the moment i'll have to complete a 4 to 6 month internship to continue with my studies.

Since i'll have to spend the next 4- 6 months doing an internship, might as well work at a place I wanna be... I applied for Singapore. I sent my resumes to a number of hotels in Singapore only to receive a few replies rejecting my application. Disappointed I started looking for hotels in KL. I received 2 replies from 2 hotel chains in KL, one asking for an interview next week. Instead of feeling grateful being offered an interview, I find myself dreading to go for it. I don't want to work in a hotel. It sounds like an awful excuse for not wanting to work but its not. Its frustrating doing nothing, still I don't want to work in a hotel!

Did I mention the reason the 2 hotels are considering my application is because my uncles have connections with management in the hotel?

I hate this post. It does not glorify God one bit. I wanted my internship search to be a testimony of God's grace. I'd prefer not to have my uncles helping me with my application. But here I am sharing my rejection stories and uncertainty about my internship. Thinking of having to put up a charade showing the interviewer how enthusiatic and passionate I am about hotels is torture. Ask me what I want to do if I detest hotels this much and I'll only have 'Maybes' and 'Perhaps' as an answer.

I need guidance, I need fellowship. Yong Kim is right, I need christian fellowship, i've been away from one for too long.

I found a great church, and I'm more than willing to have a wonderful fellowship with brothers and sisters there. That church is in Singapore, merely a 7 hour bus ride away, yet it seems so far. To add to the irony, I've been given the opportunity to study in Switzerland, to travel Europe and the only place I wanna be is Singapore, in New Creation Church.

I'd trade places with anyone if I had to, but I know I don't have to, Jesus traded His place for mine.

Jesus you're still awesome and you'll always be. Even if no one sees your glory in my life, my heart will still forever be yours.

Jesus you are my everything..

Visit to New Creation Church

2008-03-01T20:42:00.000+08:00

After 2 years since I was introduced to Ps Prince's ministry and many months of dreaming, Daddy God finally made one of my biggest dream come true - to visit New Creation Church.

Was in Singapore for the past week with my sis and buddy Kin Wai and the highlight of the trip for me was no doubt Sunday service at NCC. Listening to the sermons and reading about services through blogs for the past months made visiting NCC to be such an experience for me. Excitement would be an understatement here. The feeling is somewhat comparable to a child visiting Disneyland for the first time.

As Kin Wai and I made our way to the Rock Auditorium, we were greeted by the long queue waiting for the 3rd service. Being first-time visitors we got to wait at the 'shorter' queue. After getting into the auditorium we found ourselves seats and an elderly woman sat beside me moments later. She was very friendly and we started talking, she told me she's been attending NCC since the 1990s while I told her its our first time. She went on to tell me that she moved to Singapore at the age of 5 and that she was attending a methodist church before coming to NCC. Likewise I was from methodist church as well and we talked about Jesus' work in Ps Prince's ministry and how much it has blessed us.

After a moment of praise and worship, service started with Ps Lian reading 2 testimonies and Ps Prince came on stage after. The sermon that day was about Father God making Jesus' enemies into His footstool as Jesus sits at His right hand. We were very blessed by the message and I could see Kin Wai taking in everything Ps Prince preached.

We stayed back for the 4th service and I met up with Eugene before service. The queue into the auditorium was VERY VERY long so we went straight to the overflow room. We even got to visit the overflow room in one Sunday. We did not stay until the end of service but left after Ps Prince closed.

We went to the Rock bookstore and I got myself the book Destined to Reign and 3 albums - I See Grace, Justified and Still Waters. That was the end of Sunday service for me, but it did not end there. The next evening I met up with a brother from my previous church in Ipoh who first introduced me to Ps Prince's ministry through the daily devotionals, Stephen Tam. We went for makan and we talked quite abit, awesome fellowship in my opinion ;). He later passed me all of NCC's 2007 sermons which I can't wait to start listening to. Thanks Stephen!

I feel so blessed being able to attend NCC. Some people may be wondering why so excited about a church when Jesus should be the focus. I have to admit that I may be a little over excited and I do indeed want to make NCC my home church, but I don't think there's any problem being excited and thrilled to be in a church that truly focuses on Jesus and His Finish Work and also a church that is so Blessed! I understand that there are a certain few from my previous church that may have some misunderstanding towards Ps Prince's ministry but I believe that Daddy God would take care of that.

Its quite unfortunate that we couldn't attend Arrow service and that we were only in Singapore for one Sunday. But even as I'm back home i'll continue to hope that I'd be able to attend and make NCC my home church really soon. Daddy God has already brought me there for one Sunday, and I believe He's going to bring me there for many many more Sundays to come.

Thank you Abba for the wonderful Singapore trip!

2 pictures I took outside the Rock Auditorium before the security told me 'No Pictures!'

One and a half weeks later

2008-02-09T21:50:00.000+08:00

I've been doing the things I dreamt of while in Switzerland. I ate all the awesome Malaysian food that I wanted to, I went to new shopping malls that i've never been to, I bought things i've always wanted to buy, I watched movies and tv shows that i've been missing for the past year or so... not forgetting I've been spending time with the people I loved.

All that in a week and a half since i've been back from Switzerland. Adding in Chinese New Year and I found myself having some of the most eventful days in my life so far. Oh and not to mention having to repurchase my laptop and camera charger, cables etc, since my backpack was stolen the 2nd day I was home. Some fella smashed the right backseat window of my aunt's car while we were at a rest stop at the North South Expressway stealing the backpack thinking I had my laptop or some valuable items in it. Thank Daddy God for His protection as that person left my suitcase which was also in the backseat untouched as it contained my passport, camera and other important items. All that person got away with was chargers, cables, books and underwear.

As a community service reminder to anyone travelling within Malaysia, "Never leave ANYTHING at the backseat of your car unattended, be it valuable or not." , "Laptops, iPods, cell phones and all must be carried along and never left unattended in the car."

All activities aside, i've hardly had time for Daddy God and myself. Everyday was about going somewhere, doing something or being with someone, while thats really really really fun, I just felt weary at the end of the day. Despite doing so much of the things I want to do, it feels like i've not really done anything at all. I sleep late at night hoping that by listening to a sermon or reading some devotionals would do the job but what it really did was only to satisfy my conscience. It felt wrong not spending time with Daddy God so I listened to a sermon or 2 just to make myself feel better. Yet funny how I could go on doing so knowing its not quite right. But no matter cause i'm back home in Ipoh and i'm refreshed after watching Ps Prince's sermon on youtube (Pastor Prince Ministrie's Official Youtube Channel) and reading some really awesome posts on multiply, Misfit Toys from Johnny's site and No New Year on JianZhong's multiply.

All the going places, seeing people, eating things and little sleep have taken its toll on me as i'm now having symptoms of flu and sore throat. Thank Daddy God that Jesus is my Healing and I know i'm already well. I am looking forward to a 'Selah Session' spending some time with myself and Daddy God in the following week and not to mention the Singapore trip end of the month. In a way the past week and a half hasn't been exactly how I thought it would be (oh did I mention I am supposed to be in Thailand on a holiday now?) but I believe Daddy God will make all things well.

Love the song 24 by Switchfoot and somehow could find myself relating to the lyrics. No matter how the day went by, no matter how much or little happened, no matter how things turn out I'm no longer who I am twenty four hours ago, for I know He is working in me.

First and only post in BM

2008-01-26T20:47:00.000+08:00

Apa khabar, today's gonna be my last day in Switzerland... for awhile, so I've decided to celebrate my going home by attempting to write this post in Bahasa Malaysia, a language I haven't been using since Form 5.

So, seperti saya kata tadi, dah lama tak guna Bahasa Malaysia. Since I going to pulang ke Malaysia, saya rasa ini peluang baik untuk saya guna BM. Tambahan pula, macam ni baru nampak patriotik kan? Tapi benar-benar patriotik atau tidak aku no comment la.

Anyway, banyak excited to pulang ke Malaysia. Switzerland memang cantik dan indah, tapi Malaysia banyak indah juga, pergi mana pun nampak Indah Water. Furthermore, Malaysia macam-macam ada, Switzerland hanya ada lembu, cocolat, keju, bukit, air, rumput.. oh dan jam tangan juga. Ceh, Malaysia pun ada semua ini. As a matter in fact, Malaysia ada lebih banyak variety.

Tapi what aku rindu most is of course the makanan. Dekat Switzerland hanya dapat makanan lembu. Tiap-tiap hari makan rumput, tapi mat salleh tak mengaku mereka makan rumput, instead mereka panggil rumput sebagai "Salad". Kadang-kala ada makanan baik juga, tapi macam itu pepatah Inggeris lah "Satu Kali Dalam Bulan Biru" (Once in a Blue Moon).

Baiklah, sampai sini sajalah. Aku takut nanti ada orang kata aku sedang insult national language. Aku harap boleh get together sama sahabat-sahabat yang ku rindui. Dan jikalau kamu tak faham apa yang saya tulis, tak apalah, aku sendiri pun tak berapa faham. =)

Best Friends with the Opposite Sex?

2008-01-20T01:02:00.000+08:00

I would like to know what you guys think about being best friends with the opposite sex.

I have never thought about this question as I have always assume that there were no problems in fostering close friendships with the opposite sex until I came across a few articles on Boundless in regard to this.

I started by reading an article serving as a reply to a reader's question entitled 'Stuck in the Just-Friends zone'. Its about the reader being close, emotional friends with this girl he likes, and somehow thats all there is... friendship between the both of them. The writer, John Thomas, replied by saying that having best buddies with the opposite sex isn't a good idea adding that Boundless has written about this issue extensively (Biblical Dating: An Introduction, Not Your Buddy, Biblical Dating: Just Friends) to name just a few. He went on to say that there's a difference between emotional friendship and masculine chivalry adding that emotional friendship should be between friends of the same sex. His reason for suggesting so is that masculine chivalry (for example walking a girl to her car) is something God uses to help her realise her need for a spouse whereas a guy 'being there' as a friend for her extensively might be enabling her lack of interest for a serious relationship.

I went on to read the other articles and they pretty much reinforce the point that Best Buddies of the Opposite Sex isn't recommended. They did elaborate though, clearly stating that most 'Best Buddies' scenarios are those where both parties are 'convinced' that they are merely close friends without having intention to take the friendship to the next level. However,

the simple reality (that most people are aware, whether they admit or not) is that in the vast majority of these types of relationships, one of the parties involved either began the "friendship" with romantic feelings for the other person or develops them along the way. Either way, that person is now hanging on to the "friendship" in the hope of getting something more despite the "clear words" from the other person that he or she wants nothing beyond friendship. In other words, its almost always that a close friendship with the opposite sex would result in one of the person developing feelings for another, there's no such thing as close opposite sex friends. And more often than not such friendships cause confusion and frustration.

The writer also explained his views from Bible verses,

1 Thessalonians 4:1-8 admonishes us not to wrong or "defraud" our brother or sister by implying a marital level of commitment (through sexual involvement) when it does not exist. As I've discussed before, a broad (but sound) implication of this passage is that "defrauding" could include inappropriate emotional — as well as physical — intimacy.

Romans 13:8-14 calls us to love others, to work for their souls' good rather than looking to please ourselves. More specifically, verse 10 reminds us that "[l]ove does no harm to its neighbor.

Romans 14:1-15:7 offers a discourse on favoring weaker brothers and sisters above ourselves, valuing and encouraging that which is good in the souls of others.

I've taken bits and pieces from the articles in writing this post, to get more details on this click here, here, here and here.

Back to my question, what do you guys think about such friendships? Is it okay to be best friends with the opposite sex without the intention of courtship, or leave such emotional friendships until you're ready to be in a relationship? Oh and if Ps. Benjamin has mentioned anything in regard to this please please share.

Thanks =)

Miracle in Jerusalem

2008-01-10T21:28:00.000+08:00

Miracle in Jerusalem
by Elisabeth Adams

This would have been the perfect Christmas post. The reason i'm posting it now is because I just came across the post, and its just such a lovely post. I can't help but fall in love with Jesus after reading it. Click on the link above for the full article.

I'm going to be copying the 2nd half part of the article here, the part that really touched me.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jesus kept Hanukkah. While studying the book of John recently, I learned that at this feast He told His listeners that He is the one whom God has dedicated. Dedicated for what? For God to live in. After all, Jesus' name is Emmanuel: "God with us." But for God to visit visibly was such a rare thing that almost everyone missed it.

It wasn't a new thing for God to do, though. In fact, John spelled it out right at the beginning of his story about Jesus, saying "God came down and tabernacled among us." Tabernacled? When the children of Israel were on their big family camping trip in the wilderness, who came and pitched his tent next to them? God did.

But who would have guessed that God could come so quietly? "How silently, how silently the wondrous gift is given." I think of that while I am watching snow fall. It is so quiet that sometimes I almost feel as if I'm breathing that quietness in and out. But a lot can happen in that quiet: drifts form, dirt is covered by white, roads are blocked and great cities are brought to a standstill.

Have you ever thought about how quiet light is? I did, while I was sitting there, watching my Hanukkah candle. If your eyes were closed, you'd never know it was there. John said, "The light came and the darkness didn't even know it was there." Didn't matter, did it? Light still pushes back the darkness: That's just part of light's nature. Jesus did the job. "It is finished," He said, and so it was, even though most of the world didn't even know He was there.

In Israel, the Hanukkah dreidels are different. They say, "Nes gadol haya poh."

"A great miracle happened here."

Here, where the dimly burning wick of the Jewish nation was miraculously kept burning, here God came to be with us. Here the Light shone. Here our sins were covered once for all. All the indifference in the world cannot quench this lamp: the light is still shining. And already He is giving us eyes to see that light. Just as quietly as He came the first time, He comes to each of our hearts and knocks. "I want to be God — with you," He says.

Pause.

And calmly think of that.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Copyright 2007 Elisabeth Adams. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. This article was published on Boundless.org on December 20, 2007.

Be blessed. Abba loves us. =)

Paved With Good Intentions

2008-01-05T17:50:00.000+08:00

The title may be somewhat familiar to Singaporeans as it was an essay written back in 2000 by Colin Goh and Jocelyn Woo. I was visiting TalkingCock.com and I came across an ad for the movie Singapore Dreaming. Being curious, I did a search on it at Wikipedia. Apparently the movie was inspired by the essay 'Paved with good Intentions' and the heartfelt comments/confessions the writers received from readers which led them to produce and direct the movie.

Even more intrigued now, I googled the essay and found it on Colin Goh and Jocelyn Woo's personal blog. It was quite a long read for a blog post but it stirred something inside me. The essay like 2 different narratives of both authors' 'Singapore Dream', connected by their courtship and eventual marriage. In essence the essay distinguishes between the Singapore Dream' and the 'Singapore Plan'. The full essay can be read at conlinandyenyen.wordpress

For this post's sake here's a simple, incomplete summary,

Jocelyn Woo started her Singapore Dream as being a secondary school teacher, hoping to make a difference. Soon she got tired of the education culture of Singapore and decided to pursue a doctorate thinking that with a higher qualification people would listen to her and she could actually make a difference.

Colin Goh graduated in law from the University of London. While waiting to take his English bar exams he placed himself in a cartooning course thinking he should spend his last moments of freedom to indulge in his youthful passions. Soon he started working in a huge firm in Singapore. He was earning well, high above his peers and garnered respect in his family. Theoretically, he was living his dream, yet he was not happy. He thought if he was going to suffer, he may as well make his sufferings worthwhile - by earning more money. In order to do so, he also decided to further his studies by pursuing a Masters.

Eventually they both came to realise that what they've been doing so far was not living out their dreams but merely working and striving along a pathway of plans, which somehow seem to be pre-determined by the world. Each of us have dreams, perhaps for some it is to be successful in a certain career, to live in a big house, to have a successful marriage and happy family. In order to fulfill the dream, they go through a set of Plans that is to study hard, to work hard, to be the best in whatever they do. Eventually they may be successful in their career and perhaps even a happy marriage. Even then, their life is run by plans. Plans to maintain their success in career, their happiness in marriage. To others we may look like we're living out our dreams but in actual fact we're living on a set of plans either to achieve even more or to maintain our living standards.

By living in such plans we tend to overlook important fruits such as a heart of contentment, thanksgiving, grace, peace, joy, hope, love etc. that truly make our dreams come true. In the end its just a rat race of certificates and achievements as pastor preached.

I'd like to quote a few lines in the essay that I spoke to me.

' SM Lee was a lawyer. What better endorsement could a Singaporean have?'

(a paragraph later)

'...my parents telling me about SM Lee’s now seminal “If I were an undergraduate” speech, where he told JC students that were he a student now, he would not study law; ... SM Lee had switched from Coke to Pepsi. There was a New Dream.'
- Colin Goh

This shows that many of us tend to let the dreams/plans of the world set standards for us, yet the dreams/plans of this world is ever changing. True dreams come true when you follow God's calling on your life which is never changing.

'My experiences are not about bad principals or teachers in particular. It is about ways of being and seeing that represent to me, the Singapore legacy that I have inherited. The principals and teachers that I talked about are not to blame individually - it is just so difficult to be and to see otherwise in the busy-ness, routines, and duties of our everyday lives.'
- Jocelyn Woo

My service teacher used to tell me, everyone's a judge. You judge someone the moment you meet him/her and that we're being constantly judged by people in our everyday lives. Unconsciously our environment affects the way we 'judge' people. It is only in Christ knowing that we are righteous that we can see ourselves and others without a judgemental attitude, knowing that each and every is precious in Christ. It is grace that enables us to 'see otherwise' to truly love that lost soul.

'It suddenly hit me that I was not embarking on real change at all. I was merely rearranging the furniture. Like a good little boy, I had made all the pragmatic, sensible decisions… and it was about to push me into the abyss. I was still trying to achieve the Singaporean Dream, except overseas, and on a larger scale. Well, not exactly…'
- Colin Goh

I'm sure that some of us have thought that a change of environment would solve all the problems, like a new year would bring good changes. By doing so we're not just running away from our problems, we're bringing our problems along with us to that new environment. When we truly believe that the battle is not ours but the Lord's, that gives us strength to stand firm and face our problems head on. As quoted from Nashon's blog "If you really believed... that I am able... then why back out?"

'However, invariably once people attain success, they start to canonize the steps they took to achievement. This is how Dreams become Plans, and how one hegemony replaces another: the search for peace and liberty becomes get into a good school, then a good university, then a stable job, then buy property and stock. The problem is, then what?'
- Colin Goh

The essay ends by asking readers to consider the 2 stories and to select the one closer to theirs.

Story 1
You wake up everyday and work from Monday to Friday, and often, Saturday too. If you finish work early, you and your partner go to your parents’ place for dinner and see your child for a few hours. If you work late, you buy a packet of char kway teow from the hawker centre but eat it at home because it’s too warm to eat there. You’re not crazy about the job but you know that if you keep at it, you can afford a car in 3 years’ time, and in 5 years’ time, buy a condo close to the primary school you want to send your kid to. Your conversations with people are either for the purpose of networking, work, or for familial obligations you cannot avoid. On weekends, you play golf with your friends at your country club or watch a movie with your partner. Once a year, you go on a ten day vacation to New York, London, or Paris, and when your children are big enough, Disneyland.

Story 2
Alternatively, you wake up and you have no idea what is going to happen today, tomorrow, 6 months or a year later. Ironically, because of this uncertainty, all possibilities exist for you. You can be the Prime Minister of Singapore, you can make a movie, you can cook a meal you have never cooked before, eat at a place you have never eaten before, you can color your hair red, you can skip instead of walk, you can volunteer at the school you have always wanted to volunteer at, you can write a book, or you can have a baby even though you don’t have a maid. You have conversations with people who set your heart palpitating and your mind on fire. Your weekday is not so different from your weekend because everyday you are thinking, creating, and more important, imagining.

I believe that Living the Let Go Life just as Ps Prince preach is somewhat similar to the 2nd story. Although it wont be clouded by uncertainty, and we know that good things are about to happen. By living the let go life, it doesn't mean we don't study or work hard, the main difference is that we let the Holy Spirit lead our lives and knowing that we are under grace, hence living Christ centered lives that empowers us to do the things we've almost dreamt of. Our weekends and weekdays will truly be no different as we have the everlasting, peace and joy in us that we may be constantly thinking, creating and imagining for His glory!

If you've been with me this far, I sincerely thank you for your patience. I enjoy writing this post albeit being a little long, perhaps its because I'm preaching to myself. One thing's for sure though, and that is i'm truly bless to know i'm delivered from the rat race of life, knowing that I have a God who loves me this much.

Well, that's all for the next 3 weeks. Will have to start studying for my finals and I can't wait to be home.

My desires, His promises

2008-01-03T00:12:00.000+08:00

When I found out that this year is going to be the year of manifested blessings, I felt that Abba is reminding me of His faithfulness, telling me that He has not forgotten every single prayer that I've been praying all these years. I have prayed many prayers and over the years some prayers have been answered while others not. As time passes by those seemingly unanswered prayers get swept under the rug or kept away in some forsaken closet somehow being deemed irrelevant or useless. I believe Abba is asking me to start believing again and to brace myself for the manifestations of those prayers as Abba makes my wildest dreams and desires come true.

There's so much to look for this year and Abba seems eager to bless us more than ever before!

Among the many desires in my heart, I have made a list of top 5 requests to Abba along with His promises.

Family Salvation

Acts 16:31
31So they said, “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household.”

Healing from Hyperhidrosis (evil infirmity that has been around since I was a kid, there's no natural cure for it, only Abba can)

1 Peter 2:24
He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we may die to sins and live for righteousness; by His wounds you have been healed.

To stand boldly in the face of adversities and circumstances. (most likely in the form of evil exams and assignments)

2 Chronicles 20:15
15… ‘Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God’s.’

Supernatural prosperity and favour for studies and internship.

Blessed shall you be in the city, and blessed shall you be in the country. Blessed shall be the fruit of your body, the produce of your ground and the increase of your herds, the increase of your cattle and the offspring of your flocks. Blessed shall be your basket and your kneading bowl. Blessed shall you be when you come in, and blessed shall you be when you go out.
Deuteronomy 28:3–6

For You, O Lord, will bless the righteous; with favour You will surround him as with a shield.
Psalm 5:12

To have greater revelations of God's glory and love for me.

Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.
Jeremiah 33:3

These 5 requests along with the many others have already been answered Yes and Amen by Abba and it is only a matter of time till I see the manifestation. For those who have gotten weary waiting throughout the years, its time we started believing again =)

The Post to End the Year

2007-12-30T15:34:00.000+08:00

As 2007 comes to and end, I can't help but feel the excitement of ushering in the new year.

I have always thought of New Year as an opportunity to have a brand new beginning, starting anew on a clean slate, making New Year resolutions to ensure that the year is going to be better than the last. By doing so I tend to focus on the negative aspects while missing out all that I could be thankful for. Well, this time its going to change. Pastor Prince said that 2007 is going to be the year of new beginnings and even on the last day of 2007 God's word still stands. Its never too late for new beginnings, and I welcome it. =)

There was so much happening in 2007. It was the first time celebrating Chinese New Year without my grandma and it certainly felt different. My family also had to cope with the fact that my grandfather was getting weaker due to alzheimer's disease. It was my first taste of work as an intern in China which was a whole new environment and experience to me. Then early this month I heard the news of my grandfather's sudden passing. I for one hated changes, I never saw myself being able to cope well with changes. Yet, I found myself enjoying the year. I enjoyed the time spent with Daddy God both during the good and bad times. Enjoying all the time I spent with my family, realising that all these change has brought my family closer. My 2nd year in Switzerland which is now nearing to an end has also been tremendously blessed.

All the blessings and breakthroughs could never have happen if I was not introduced to the Gospel of Grace through New Creation Church's ministries. 2007 was indeed a year of new beginnings as God blessed me with my precious bro Eugene who freely shared all the messages he had from Ps Prince, Ps Mark, Ps Chin and Ps Lian. Those annointed messages are life savers, literally, reminding me of the hope I have in Christ and His love for me. And then there was multiply. I never knew what treasure I stumbled upon when i created my multiply account. It was more than a blog, it was fellowship. Ever since adding Eugene and Jacqueline into my contacts i've been given access to updates from fellow bros and sis from New Creation Church. I have been truly edified and encouraged time and time again through their posts and updates. Among the many contacts I would like to note the few which I have been encouraged most

Jianzhong's site
Cherri's site
Coach Maddy's site
Joe's site

I'm not sure if you notice my frequent visits to your sites, but I'm really grateful for all the encouragement and inspiration you've given me. Appreciate it. I may not be able to attend NCC this year but I believe I have been growing with it. =)

And now my thoughts for the coming year. Yesterday I was chattin with some of my closest buddies (Kin Wai, Zhu Whee, Yong Kim, Leland...)whom I have known from either primary or secondary school. For the most part of our school lives we went to classes together, took tuition together and hung out together. My close buddy Kin Wai commented that 'everyone's leaving ady' which made me stop and think for a moment. Even those who were still in Ipoh had to leave for further studies after their STPM and for many of us its our first time working albeit part time jobs or internships. A downside of growing up in a sleepy city like Ipoh is that once you're gone its not likely you'll return to get a job or settle down anytime soon. In other words we would rarely have a chance to hang out like we used to anymore.

For us 1988 babies, 2008 also marks the year we become 'young-adults'. Okay, so mayb i'm making a big fuss out of it, but I think it should be taken seriously. Its an integral part of our lives and what we believe now will affect our outlook on life, moulding our character. As for me I've chosen to believe the word of God, letting it craft me into the wonderfully made Arrow that I am, hitting the mark. I have been wanting to attend NCC and i'm counting on God to make it happen in 2008. Also, after being a Christian for 3 years and numerous thoughts of getting baptised, I want to have my baptism, declaring my faith in my Saviour.

I'm looking forward to 2008 to be a year beyond my wildest imagination and a year of restoration. A new year does not promise a great year, it is Jesus who does. There will be no need for resolutions this coming year, only God's promises which in Christ are Yes and Amen!

Eating Asia

2007-12-19T23:31:00.000+08:00

Talk about South-East Asian food and a sense of pride just rushes through me. Call me bias but no other cuisine could come close to South-East Asian cuisine. We've got the best of everything - Chinese, Malay, Indian cuisine. Add in a dash of local ingenuity and flavour, even the top Michelin chefs could not compete.

During my previous semester which included some practical knowledge of Service and Kitchen, I was introduced to Western service and cooking methods which my French ang mo chefs and lecturers were so proud of. I'd scoffed at them whenever they seem to think Western cuisine is superior. I had the thought that ang mos will never be able to comprehend the true wonders of South-East Asian cuisine.... till today.

I came across this food blog called

EatingAsia

which is operated by freelance writer Robyn Eckhardt and photographer David Hagerman who are currently based in Malaysia. They produce really interesting articles about food around the region, along with some really professionally taken pictures too.

Thought your plate of Char Kway Teow could not look any nicer? Think again.

Their knowledge on South-East Asian food is astounding. Before reading the about me page I would never have guessed them to be ang mos. Aside from South-East Asian food, they also write some pretty interesting posts on mainland Chinese food as well as the Not Asia category.

Recommended to all Food Lovers.

Grandpa

2007-12-03T13:01:00.000+08:00

I was telling daddy God just a few hours ago that although i've been feeling insecure in many areas and I've been falling into self effort in those areas, I want Him to know that He is my God, my Savior and that I chosed to trust in Him for everything in my life.

Few hours later, I was awoken by a call from my sister saying that my grandfather just passed away.

My grandfather was suffering from alzheimer's disease for the past year and as time went by his body just got weaker. One sickness led to another, it doesn't seem to stop. My grandfather's condition was something really hard for me to pray for, I just didn't know what to pray seeing him in such a condition. Honestly I found it hard to believe for a complete healing, I wanted to have others to believe with me, to pray with me. I sent an email to Eugene just last week but now my grandfather is gone.

My grandfather was not born again which is my primary concern. I was believing in Jesus to tell His love for my grandfather personally. My feelings are a mess now, but I'm reminded that Jesus has the final say and somehow I believe Jesus brought my grandfather home seeing that my grandfather really wanted to 'go' ever since having the illness. Furthermore, I was told my grandfather passed away real sudden and peacefully, 10 minutes ago he was asking for breakfast and 10 minutes later he left.

Still, is this from the Holy Spirit or is this what I want myself to believe?

I found myself writing a similar post just a year ago about my grandma's passing. Honestly i've been to too many funerals for the past year. I was believing for the exact same things a year ago and the results seem to be no different. I did not see what I was hoping for.

Yet, I continue to believe. Believing that Jesus is my savior, my provider, for me, for my family.

This is no act of faith, rather it seems more like desperation. I'm a desperate soul seeking for help, I know I can't do it on my own. Even if things doesn't seem to turn out the way I was hoping it to, or if my prayers seem unanswered I'm gonna continue to believe, what else can I do?

There's something that i'm beyond doubt, that is the faithfulness and love of my daddy God.

Love that prepared a home for my grandfather, Love sent His son to die for my grandfather.

I pray that my grandfather is home with Jesus right now, free from his sufferings, reunited with my grandma.

I miss them so much.

The Boleh-ness of Malaysia

2007-11-14T23:06:00.000+08:00

The slogan 'Malaysia Boleh' has become a reality in Malaysia - a country where anything is possible.

I've been reading Malaysian news from TheStar's website and I know a little about the Bersih protest rally. Its a peaceful protest rally asking for electoral reform. In other words its a non violent gathering of people requesting for an improve election system. The Malaysian government was of course not pleased with the protest and 'measures' were taken to disperse the protesters.

What I did not know was that the information and severeness of the protest conveyed by TheStar was 'toned down' to say the least. It seems Malaysian media covered little on the protest while Al-Jazeera's in depth coverage was frowned upon by the government.

I came across the interview on mrbrown.com of Al-Jazeera with Malaysia's Information Minister - the 'eloquent' (insert heavy sarcasm here) Datuk Seri Zainuddin Maidin.

The interview was so horribly bad you have to watch it to believe it.

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Transcript of the interview can be found on kennysia's blog to better understand the minister's words.

I was laughing my head off while reading the transcript, until I realize he's my country's information minister for goodness sake. Can't help but feel embarassed. Even parodies of Malaysian ministers done by mrbrown sounds smarter than the real deal. Truly anything is possible in Malaysia.

more information on the protest rally can be found at wikipedia.

Bring Me There Abba...

2007-11-06T01:09:00.000+08:00

I haven't been calling home that often this semester as it has been hectic for the past month, besides everyone seems to be busy doing something.

During the times that I do call back, I tend to get really frustrated and just worn out.

Its not my family that i'm frustrated with, i'm frustrated with the 'little things'.

Whenever I call home, I just let go everything on my chest. I start talking about the little things that have been bothering me, the little things that were hastily swept under my mental carpet to make place for the 'important stuff' - reports, exams, school work. I talk about my studies, I talk about wanting to do my next internship in Singapore and how hard is it to get an internship in Singapore, I complain about how absurd this school can get at times. More often than not, i'm also greeted with not-so-good news about my grandfather. He's condition is okay, but he's attitude sure isn't. My aunt tells me how hard and demanding my grandfather can become, he just doesn't listen. I pity my maid, its really not easy taking care of my grandfather. On the other hand I pity my grandfather for being in such a condition. To add to all that, I'm also very well aware that both my parents are working incredibly hard for superiors who aren't exactly the nicest people on earth.

Being the only Christian in my family, I tend to take it as my responsibility to pray for my family. Its also quite hard being the only one who's believing that things will get better.

In other words, I'm carrying my own baggage plus the weight of my family's baggage on my shoulders. No wonder I feel worn out.

Its so easy to unconsciously get into self-effort. By ignoring the seemingly insignificant little things, they are eating me inside out. I listen to sermons and I feel much better, much more at peace. Still, I tend to get back into self-effort every now and then. I feel really tired being the only person believing that things are gonna get better.

I keep reminding myself that God is faithful, things will change, but truthfully i'm hoping that I have others who could do it with me, someone to support me. At times I just wish I had a care group that could hear me out and share my problems with, I wish I had a leader who could provide me with advice and guidance, leading me to see the better picture.

Somehow its in my nature to look up to older 'brothers'. I'm easily influenced by the 'big bros' I look up to, be it into doing 'right' things or 'wrong' things. I want to be around people who could edify me, who could help me in my walk with Daddy God. I'm grateful for my close group of friends back home, Sinagpore or in Aussie who blesses me all the time, but typing an email is quite different than actually speaking out my cares and worries.

Whenever I listen to Campus sermons I picture myself being there, being part of the laughing crowd, being part of the blessed crowd shouting Amens in my heart. I go to New Creation's website and look at Arrow services and caregroups wishing I was in one of them. I read blogs about Arrow services, camps and I just tell Daddy God I wanna be there.

Bring me there Abba, make me part of the NCC family. =)

'Christian' Friend

2007-10-31T20:29:00.000+08:00

At times, I find myself being a rather lousy 'Christian' friend.

Whenever someone tells me a problem or a situation they're facing, I tend to get a little over-preachy. I mean well, I sincerely want to help that person as more often that not i've been through similar circumstances and now i've been saved by the Grace of God. God has done so much in my life, I just want to proclaim of His Glory hoping that it would bless my friend. Somehow this would result in me talking too much about my lifestory and ignoring my friend's actual problem.

I told daddy God about this as I listened to Ps. Chin's sermons. In one particular sermon, Ps Chin mentioned that 'we're not the one to change others', 'we're not the messiah'.

And thats so true.

There's a time and place to tell others about the goodness of Jesus, but not ALL the time. Most of the time, lending a year or simply being there for that friend is all it takes.

I don't think Jesus would keep talking about His goodness the very moment we tell Him our problems, i'm sure He would have listened compassionately and comforted us. It is also simply because of His compassion for us that we are delivered.

At times I find some Christians (myself included) have the tendency to 'underestimate' other people's problems. Its true that nothing's too big for God but it doesn't help making others feel stupid for getting upset about their problems.

I believe that Daddy God is telling me to simply have compassion for my friends and family while leaving everything else to Him.

I'm no messiah, I can't change anyone, but I can still be a friend =)

In other news.. I found this Thai Commercial on mrbrown's blog at mrbrownshow.com.
It's hilarious.

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Today, a year ago

2007-10-13T23:06:00.000+08:00

Today, a year ago my grandma passed away.

I miss my grandma and I wanna see her again more than anything else.

I told her about Christ, I fasted, I prayed, I let God.

People ask if she'd prayed the sinner's prayer.

Not that it matters to me.

I know Jesus loves her.

I used to ask myself if i'd ever see her again.

But not any more.

Everything I do, wherever I am, I see my grandma being there with me.

I asked Jesus to keep her in my heart, and He did.

My grandma used to say I never grow up, forever making silly noises,

always needing someone to be there for me.

I never changed.

That was me when I was 9 and it still is now that i'm 19.

I'm still that little kid she used to take care of, i'm still making lots of silly noises,

and I have Jesus to be there for my every need.

I'm certain she's pleased to know that she left me in the care of nail pierced hands.

And it is because of those nail pierced hands that her little grandson could become everything she would dream he'll become.

Everything that I do, whoever I'll become, I'm living my life in honor of Jesus and my grandma.

I'm blessed knowing that Jesus is showering His love for me through my grandma, my family.

I'm a life saved by Love,

I'm a life changed by Love,

I'm a life Paid whole by Jesus.

A New View

2007-09-18T23:40:00.000+08:00

Been listening to sermons and reading Ps Prince's books recently and I can't help but feel so blessed.

Spiritual Warfare is a must have book for any Christian! I was suggested by Eugene to get the book about Health and Wholeness through the Holy Communion when my grandfather was ill. I was still in Shanghai then and I ordered the book online. Seeing that there were other books in the catalog I decided to get everything. Singapore Dollars + Shipment Fees = Very expensive but I was convinced that the books were gonna bless me tremendously and they did.

Its my 3rd week in 2nd year and so far it has been blessed. I'm no longer thinking that i'm living in my mistake. I used to hate my 1st year and internship mainly because I believed I made a mistake choosing the wrong course. Chosed the wrong course I may have, but its not the course thats gonna prosper me or make me a success, its Jesus. Looking back, only the blessings are real today, all the trials then seem so far behind.

If choosing the wrong course is the biggest mistake in my life, then God has definitely turned it into the greatest blessing. It was back in 1st year that I discovered the grace of God through Ps. Prince's sermons from Eugene and i've living a whole new life ever since. I still had trials, I still had my problems but I've always had the anointed word of God to get me through.

The sermons never get old, and new revelations come all the time, but this has made me 'hungrier' for more.

I want to go back to church, I haven't been attending church for more than a year. I've wanted to make a trip to Singapore to attend a few workshops in New Creation Church or simply just to attend any service in NCC but I never did. I'll try again the next time i'm back. It feels kinda like a little kid watching Disney cartoons all the time and finally having the chance to visit Disneyland. Haha.

Right now i'm in one those times when you don't exactly look happy to others but inside you're bursting with joy. Without the old gang from 1st year, I go out much less, I don't get free alcohol anymore and most of the time I seem quite alone. But 'its okay la', cause I feel anything but lonely =)

I'm really grateful to my parents to have the opportunity to be in Swiss, and even though I dislike the school even more now (the've come up with some really absurd rules) this is going to be a semester of blessings.

Thank you Jesus!

Switzerland 07

2007-09-02T14:22:00.000+08:00

I'm back in Switzerland.

Class starts tomorrow.

Counting on Daddy God to make it a wonderful semester.

Took some pictures around my school yesterday

I specially dedicate this picture to CKW shares an interest in 'very tall man-made bridges'

Grave of the Fireflies

2007-08-26T17:59:00.000+08:00

"It belongs on any list of the greatest [anti] war films ever made." - Roger Ebert, film critic.

"it is the most profoundly human animated film I've ever seen." - Ernest Rister, animation historian.

I only word close enough to describe how I feel about this movie is Beautiful. This is by far the most touching movie I have ever watched, and definitely at the top of my greatest movie list.

The story takes place towards the end of World War 2, its a bittersweet tale of the relationship between 2 orphan children Seita (清太) and his younger sister Setsuko (節子) struggling to survive the aftermath of war.

Seita
A 14-year-old boy. Seita is responsible, mature, and tough. Since his dad is away fighting in the war, he is responsible for all the jobs his father would normally take, including caring for his younger sister, Setsuko. Seita's main fault is his pride, which can cause him to make wrong decisions.

Setsuko
A 4-year old girl. Setsuko completely adores her older brother Seita. She is innocent and cheerful, and at times naïve to the terrors of war around her.
(The cutest little girl in any movie)

The movie is based almost entirely on a true story by Akiyuki Nosaka. This movie is so honest it doesn't do anything to hide the horrors of war, despite being a animated film, the protagonists aren't some super smart or super capable kids, but ordinary children who are trying to survive but eventually dies due to the overcoming odds.

Grave of the Fireflies has 2 of the most 'Real' characters in any movie, animated or not. Seita and Setsuko are so real, you'd feel as though you're watching a real life scene being played right in front of your eyes, which makes this movie such a powerful movie.

After reading through a few reviews even before watching the movie, I knew this would be a very sad movie. My sister and I did not tear throughout the movie, but my heart sank everytime I saw Seita or Setsuko suffer. I felt their pain and sorrow, and when Setsuko eventually passed away my heart just broke.

I kept thinking about the movie long after it ended. Thinking about the events, events whereby if changed Setsuko and Seita might have been able to survive. I felt as though I lost someone close to me, hoping I could have done something to change their fate. I came to the conclusion that Seita did what anyone would have done, as humans we make mistakes and the the consequences are very real.

I'm not exggarating about the movie. It's this real, and it does send a strong anti-war message discreetly yet powerfully.

This movie is so beautiful I decided to dedicate a post to it, and I will remember this movie for a lifetime.

I'll end the post with a poem I found on one of the reviews from imdb.com

I come and stand at every door.
But no one hears my silent tread.
I knock and yet remain unseen.
For I am dead, for I am dead.

I'm only seven although I died.
In Hiroshima long ago.
I'm seven now as I was then.
When children die they do not grow.

My hair was scorched by swirling flame.
My eyes grew dim, my eyes grew blind.
Death came and turned my bones to dust.
And that was scattered by the wind.

I need no fruit, I need no rice.
I need no sweet, nor even bread.
I ask for nothing for myself.
For I am dead, for I am dead.

All that I ask is that for peace.
You fight today, you fight today.
So that the children of this world.
May live and grow and laugh and play.

-- Nazim Hikmet

My Ending Holidays

2007-08-23T22:02:00.000+08:00

Last week in Ipoh, will be leaving next Thursday on the 30th.

I don't want to dread Switzerland. I want to enjoy the 5 months, and I will.

Anyway... Still being under the "Japanese Influence' I decided to start understanding a little more about the Japanese culture. A good way to know any culture is to watch their movies and read their stories right? So I watched a few of Hayao Miyazaki (director of Spirited Away) and Studio Ghibli animes from my Studio Ghibli special box set.

The animes I watched were

My Neighbour Totoro

A simple yet charming tale about 2 girls who meets a 'Forest Spirit'.

Pom Poko

A tale of about the fight and survival of the 'Tanuki' (raccoon dogs) against the urban developments of men.

The Cat Returns

The story of a high-school girl who rescues a cat and in turn being brought into anothe world ruled by cats.

Howl's Moving Castle

The tale about a shy and unconfident 18 year old girl who later was transformed into an old lady, beginning her journey to discover love and ultimately herself.

Spirited Away

My favourite anime of all time. The tale of a whiny, self-centered young girl matures into a hardworking, helpful and optimistic girl through her journeys in the 'spirit world'

These movies may be light-hearted stories but behind them holds strong themes such as maturity, environmental awareness, greed and more. The movie incorporates the themes into the storyline of characters so well it stays with you long after the movie ends.

I have to admit that there are some parts where the movies can seem rather slow (excluding Spirited Away) compared to Western cartoons but its worth sitting through those moments.

I'm currently planning watching 2 more movies from Miyazaki, Princess Mononoke and Grave of the Fireflies. Especially the latter which features the story of 2 orphan girls during the aftermath of World War 2. Its a departure from the other light-hearted tales of Studio Ghibli but a graphic depiction of suffering and death.

I've heard similar stories from the Western point of view, and now I want to see it from the victims' perspective.

In other news, i'll be 'busy preparing' for Switzerland as I do my last minute packing and shopping.

To those whom I wont meet before leaving,
I'll miss you guys and i'll see you all February next year!
God Bless!

Japanese Influence

2007-08-17T08:05:00.000+08:00

The Japanese youths left for KL yesterday to return to Japan on the 18th, leaving behind their slight Japanese influence on the hosting families. Somehow I found myself under this influence as I enthusiastically search for Japan-related articles on Wiki (japanese pop culture, lifestyle, art, language etc.) and also having dreams of going to Japan.

This isn't the first time i've been to excited about the Japanese. I've had 3 past attempts to learn Japanese (none succeeded), and i've always wanted to visit Japan. This time i'm quite serious on attempting to learn Japanese [again]. The past 3 times were rather serious during their time too.

Maybe if i'm still this enthusiastic about this weeks later, I may just attempt to take up Japanese... whenever possible.

On another note, i've been reading Ps. Prince's book Right Place Right Time and I really like Proverbs 16:9 "A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps."
I can make all the plans in the world right or wrong ones, but its the Lord that directs my steps, cant fall into the pit of despair with Him directing me.

For The Past Week

2007-08-12T19:36:00.000+08:00

The past week was pretty fun. My sis is hosting a Japanese exchange student for 10 days and we've been bringing her places. Gua Tempurung, Penang, Kellie's Castle and Cameron Highlands today, just to name a few.

Got to hang out with Family and Ryck (Kin Wai) and some not so familiar people but it was all good. I'm also thinking of turning my 'Word Blog' into a 'Photo Blog'. So here are some pics...

Penang

'Battle Stance'

Japanese Girl, Sis, Me

Cameron Highlands

All of Us

Read The Sign

........

Will be posting more pics in the gallery.

The Japanese girl will be leaving this Friday as I myself can't help but count down till the 30th. Honestly I super dread going back to Switzerland but i'm counting on God to 'cause all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.' Romans 8:28.

Gonna continue living these next 2 weeks as I did for the past month, spending my holidays till its fullest as I thank Daddy God for all those great times.

Dapur Bakar...

2007-08-06T10:28:00.000+08:00

This happened a few days ago, forgot when. The maid called the hse from my grandad hse saying the kitchen got burned, this was what I remember of the conversation.

*Telephone Rings*

Cynthia : Hello?

Maid : *indonesian gibberish*

Cynthia : Huh? Itu nurse sudah datang?

Maid : *more words we don't understand*... Ya, ya.

Cynthia : Okaylah.

*Puts down phone*

Cynthia : I think she said the nurse came. Aren't you going over? (grandad's hse)

Jon : No need lah. She just needs to open door for the nurse only, the nurse knows what to do.

Cynthia : Then u call back and tell her u not going over la.

Jon : Okay.

*Calls the maid*

Jon : Hello kak? Itu jururawat dah datang? Aku tak perlu pergi lah, kamu buka pintu bagi dia dahlah.

Maid : Bukan, jururawat belum datang, itu kertas bakar.

Jon : Kertas bakar??!! Apa kertas?

Maid : *seemingly gibberish* (to me)

Jon : Huh? Kami datang sekarang la.

*Goes over to granddad's hse*

*Maid leads us to the kitchen*

*looks at burnt kitchen wall*

*GASP*

Thank God, that was all the fire burnt. The gas tank was near and things could have been much worst. We found out that it was an accident so we only left the maid with an advice to be more cautious as she cleaned the mess up.

August Already

2007-08-01T21:41:00.000+08:00

Time flies. I've already been home for 1 month and boy have I enjoyed this month.

I would be leaving for Switzerland on the 30th of August around 28 more days from now ( i can't help but count ) and suddenly it just feels too soon. I was lying on my bed yesterday night starring into darkness thinking... Thinking about what i've done so far and what i'm about to do in the future.

I came across a blog post from a Hong Kong artiste Kary Ng ( http://hk.myblog.yahoo.com/k4kary-karyng ) that nicely illustrates my feelings into words ( in chinese )

"開心的時間過得特別快
這兩個月真的很開心, 我不會忘記
有時候真的很想將時間停下來
知道現在的我很幸福
要記得每一刻,每一秒...要記得...."

For those who don't read Chinese, here's a crude translation

"Happy moments passes by really fast,
been really happy for these 2 months, I'd never forget them,
sometimes I just wish that time would come to a halt,
that I may know how blessed I currently am,
to remember every moment, every second"

Looking back at the previous semester and the 4 months of internship in China, I wonder how did I manage to survive. Looking forward, I'm not sure if i'll be able to keep surviving. Everything seems so daunting, so uncertain.

I went to Switzerland last year telling myself to be "勇敢" or brave. To stare Fear and circumstances in the eye or something. However thats not how I survived my problems. Everything came trough for me because of Grace.

Well no use being worried. I'll just keep enjoying my everyday feeding on His Grace.

Our Saviour

2007-07-30T20:11:00.000+08:00

I've been keeping up with the news about the 23 Korean volunteers that were taken hostage by terrorists. The largest abduction since the 2001 US invasion.

Here's a link if you're interested
http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2007/7/30/worldupdates/2007-07-30T201923Z_01_NOOTR_RTRMDNC_0_-287333-2&sec=Worldupdates

One reason this news caught my attention is that the 23 Koreans are Christians on mission work and 18 of them are women.

The Taliban are making demands and setting deadlines for the Afghan government in which if they fail to respond would result in the death of the hostages. The Taliban has killed the leader of the group, a Pastor that would have turned 42 on the day he was murdered.

A few deadlines have passed but word is the 22 hostages remaining are still alive and their family desperately praying for them. I myself have found this news rather disturbing and I am too hoping that God will give them a miracle. I can't imagine how those hostages must be feeling right now but I pray that their prayers be answered as I know we have a faithful God.

Talks between the 2 factions have been going on for days but it seems fruitless. May be its time for divine intervention. I want to see our God deliver those hostages, I want the world to see that our God is faithful and to see our God for who he really is, our Saviour.

Final Fantasy XII

2007-07-24T21:03:00.000+08:00

Today I completed Final Fantasy 12.

This is quite a momentous occasion for me as I spent 68 hours (to date) in the past 5 months on one of the finest games to grace the PS2.

In my journey to 'unravel the mysteries of an Empire' I have traveled across uncharted lands in the world of Ivalice, discovered ancient ruins of great civilizations, fought creatures of old thought to have only existed in myths and legends.

Along my perilous journey I was aided by my companions, brought together by chance, stood together by a common goal. I learnt the true meaning of loyalty, honour, friendship and sacrifice and prevailed because of these traits.

In the real world, I spent many hours sitting on the living room table playing through the day (or night). All those hours spent were rewarded today as I had finally completed the quests that sparked this epic journey. However my journey in Ivalice is far from over as the world is filled with secrets to explore.

I may not be playing this game as often from now but surely it has taken its place as one of the greatest games I have ever played.

This is my tribute to Final Fantasy XII.

Storm

2007-07-20T21:21:00.000+08:00

Life can be scary.

Things can change in just an instant. People come, people go in our lives. Nothing stays the same forever, no one can walk this entire life together with us.

I'm seeing the older generation of my family leaving one by one. My family was pretty big during my grandfather's generation and in recent months aunties and uncles from that generation just started leaving us due to old age. It goes to show that no one can be with us forever and it means everything to cherish and appreciate the people we love.

Life is too short to be bound by grudges against one another.

Sometimes I feel as if we can't escape the 'scariness' of life. We go through different problems in different seasons of our lives. Perhaps I should stop trying to avoid the fears and difficulties in life and to look to my Shepherd. I'm reminded of my Shepherd Jesus through the song Storm by Lifehouse. The chorus goes like this

If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If I happen to see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be all right
And everything will be all right

I believe that as I look into my saviour's eyes I would get lost in He's eyes full of compassion, full of love. Love that casts out fear. Love that would make me shine in the darkest hour. I'm not feeling super passionate about God right now, but He's super passionate about me. This is what I love about my God.

I may not love Him as much as I should

But He loves me more than I deserve everyday.

My Malaysia

2007-07-10T19:01:00.000+08:00

In China I was constantly asked who do I say I am. Am I a Chinese? Am I a Malaysian? Where do I call home? China? Malaysia?

I would reply i'm a 3rd Generation Malaysian Chinese. I have no thoughts of 'returning to China' as my country is Malaysia. Some would stop there, others would go on asking what's so great about Malaysia. This is where I start telling them of Malaysia, or at least my 'ideal' Malaysia.

Being away from home does make me appreciate my country, and believe me, meeting a fellow Malaysian overseas regardless of race or religion just gives you a strong 'kaki lang' feeling especially when you're abroad alone. I also see the benefits of being brought up in Malaysia while I was in China. Growing up in multicultural Malaysia enabled me to speak at least 3 different languages, it gave me a broader view and understanding of other cultures and so much more.

Despite this 'new-found' pride in my country, I can't help but have an increasing awareness in the 'uglier' side of it. Increasing Crime rates, and the highly controversial 'religious freedom' are just part of it. I'm not going to get into detail on these issues, so for a better inside visit my friend Tim's blog - http://fromthe-insideout.blogspot.com/
he's not political, just analytical and really insideful :)

I love my country but I don't stand by everything the government says or does. There's much weaknesses and mistakes that we need to acknowledge and rectify in order to really progress as a nation.

I read a statement made by a political party candidate claiming that slogan 'The Birth of a Nation' used to promote the Visit Malaysia 2007 campaign is inapropriate. He claims that the natives were here long before our independence and that slogan is an insult to their status and sovereignty before the colonial times. I say the slogan is correct. Malaysia would not be the nation it is today without the inclusion of 'foreign races'.

Malaysia belongs to Malaysians. Its time we stop having the mentality that it belongs to the Malays or that the Chinese and Indians are merely settlers and are stealing resources away from the natives. Malaysia would NOT be Malaysia without the Malays, Chinese, Indians or ever the minority races. Its sad to see that the strong bond and unity among experienced among Malaysias out of Malaysia do not exist in Malaysia itself.

When can we learn to accept our neighbours as our countrymen? When can we experience true freedom in religion? I don't care how technologically advance a country progresses, or how economically prosperous it gets, without the basic foundations of unity, trust and respect among its people it all counts to nothing.

Its not like me to rant so much on something like this. But I guess its because I have a new-found love for my country i'd rather have my say on it instead of leaving it the way it is. Grousing about these wont change Malaysia but praying does. Malaysia is blessed enough to have a strong and growing Christian community who prays for its nation.

Malaysia is not perfect, but Malaysia is Home.

New Season

2007-07-04T19:45:00.000+08:00

I'm Home.

And I'm entering a new Season in life.

A Season whereby I would learn to depend on God's love for me.

I'm really happy to be home. I'm even happier to see that my home is the same home that i've fallen in love with.

Yet sometimes things happen, changes take place and there's nothing much we could do about it.

At times like these 'When the rubber meets the Road' it depends whether we choose to trust God through our helplessness or strive to struggle.

Its sad to see my grandfather in such a condition. Honestly its hard for me and my family to take care of him, but its even harder for my grandfather. I'm trusting God but I'm not sure what i'm trusting God for. I'll let the Holy Spirit intercede for me. I don't know whats best for my grandfather but my God does.

I'll start living today for today, I'll start living as who I am, the righteous child of God. I made a list of things to do back home, but I think i'll just do whatever a feel like doing and simply enjoy home.

Someplace Else

2007-06-05T16:36:00.000+08:00

Back in my secondary school days I love to cycle in the evenings.

I love looking up into the clear blue skies wishing I was someplace else.

Tonight I looked up into a clear night sky full of stars wishing I was someplace else.

Where is that someplace else?

My Dream, My Desires

2007-05-17T08:29:00.000+08:00

I dreamt about my grandma. I woke up with tears in my eyes.

I've been having this dream whereby my grandma survived her kidney failure and is still alive.

Everytime I have this dream I have the fear of losing her again.

My grandma is so real in my dreams, so real I believe she's really there. In the dream I would be able carry out all my deepest desires, to relive the past with my grandma.

I would tell her all my stories, my problems. I would help her in the kitchen. Simple things that are impossible when i'm awake.

Towards the end of the dream I just want to tell her how much I love her, how much I miss her. Tell her how much I fear of losing her again. She'd smile and tell me not to worry but i'm already crying in my dream.

And before I know it i'm awake with tears in my eyes.

Humility

2007-04-14T08:43:00.000+08:00

I always thought I was being humble by rejecting praises by going 'NO lah', 'Where got lah', 'Okay only lah'...

I always thought I was being humble by NOT getting into the limelight but to be behind the scenes.

I always thought I was being humble when I share my credits or acknowledgements with others.

I did NOT know I could be the most prideful person while doing so.

You could be humble by doing so sincerely, but I think humility is more than that and humility doesn't always come in times of victory but also in 'defeat'.

I realised that when most people 'fail' they tend to blame it on something or someone else ; myself included. Unconciously I blame circumstances and certain people for my mistakes. I still believe God would prosper my mistakes but when I go to Him in prayer, my heart goes something like 'Daddy God I know you can prosper my mistakes even so WHO AND WHO caused me to be in this mess.' By saying so, I'm still very much on self-effort as deep down my focus is that if those circumstances had not cause me to fall I would very well still be standing tall by my efforts.

I believe that humility leads us to admitting defeat. Not defeat for our problems but defeat in our self efforts.

I've made my decision to go home after discussing with my family, I don't want to spend 10 months hating my job and the place I live. I'm told that God would not short change me whether I stay or leave. I could go home and still be in delusion thinking that with a change of location and environment I would be able to excel better and perhaps enjoy my work more to only find myself ending up in the same situation. Or I could stop blaming the people and circumstances but to admit defeat that I'm not able to take on all these on my own but to depend on the grace of God.

Why do I still want to go back since its not the location or environment that would make things better?

Thats because if God is faithful no matter where or when I would rather be in a place where I would feel better. No doubt God could prosper me here in China or back in Malaysia. But I've chosen to spend my next 10 months back home.

as God sees me

2007-03-26T10:38:00.000+08:00

See as God sees, God sees glorious things in you.

2 of these daily devotionals from New Creation Church is about seeing ourselves as God sees us righteous, prospered, favoured and not by our current circumstances. Funny how these 2 daily devotionals were sent just one day apart despite bearing similar content. I started reading the previous devotional prior to these 2 posts thinking that God may be telling me something, the post was entitled 'what is in your hands?' and its about casting the natural things that we have i.e. Career, abilities to God and He will make them supernaturally blessed.

Yesterday as I was walking to the bus stop I was meditating on those devotionals talking to Abba about them and I felt peace, I felt secured knowing that God doesn't see me as the emotional, complaining teen that I am now but a great man of God. It was then I also re-cast my job, my worries to Abba.

I'm still in a decision making process. My uncle called me earlier and gave me some pointers on choosing another career path. He told me some facts about working life and its all gonna be tough for the initial years no matter which industry. I think its time to ask myself what I really want as God plants the desires in our hearts. I feel so blessed knowing that even though everyone has to start from the very bottom of any ladder, I have daddy God to help me up and to catch me when I fall. The world fights to stay alive, but Jesus has already fought this fight of life for us.

Truthfully, I know of some people who sees me as a pampered and rash kid. My parents spent alot of money sending me abroad to study but I haven't exactly shown them any 'results' some don't even think i can make it through. How precious it is to know that Abba sees glorious things in me.

Now as I am trusting in Abba to lead me to the right choice, I believe God is asking me to trust in Him for my current job. Regardless of whether i complete my 9 months of internship or not God is making me a blessing to my collegues, my company and regardless of what my next decision may be God sees me as a King.

choice

2007-03-23T07:19:00.000+08:00

I prayed for a way out and now my family is giving me a way out. They don't want to force me to do something I don't like. The choice is this 'quit the job end the course and start anew' or 'continue to endeavour and get a diploma then continue with another course'

both choices bear significant circumstances yet I am blessed to have a choice. The first one sounds foolish while the second one sounds logical. I am free to choose either and given the tired and frustrated me I would most definitely choose the former while being the calm and more reasonable me i'd choose the latter.

yet God's wisdom surpasses human feelings or reason. Trust in the Lord lean not on your own understanding, in all of your ways acknowledge Him, He'll make your paths straight. I was told that Hotel Management may not be the right choice for me before i took up the course, yet God prospered me in my mistake giving me good results for my first semester and most importantly a new identity in Christ. God being the same yesterday, today and forever will no doubt prosper me again becaus i'm forever righteous in Christ, forever entitled to God's grace, favour and blessings.

considering the other option, i'm pretty sure that i don't intend to major in Hotel Management. If I were to start anew, i would have wasted my year in Switzerland as well as time and money in the process of starting anew, but Blessed i know i'll be and His grace will turn things around.

i believe both choices leads me to the same destination - my calling because I have Jesus, my guide for life. Because God and my family loves me, they'll respect my decision. As for now i can't stop work this instant, as much as i may hate my job i don't want to be branded irresponsible therefore i'm currently choosing the 2nd choice to endeavour not by my efforts but His. I'm asking God to guide me and He will by prompting me through the Holy Spirit along the way.

my bro eugene told me, in spite of all these growing pains, emotions, questions we're blessed to know that we have a constant, constant God who loves us. Abraham made the same mistake twice by saying that Sarah was his sister but God prospered him twice. Daddy never gets fed up with me.

Dates

2007-03-14T16:18:00.000+08:00

I was browsing through photographs in my phone and i realised I have this thing about past dates (not going out with girls, the day/month/year kinda date)

Everytime I see a past date on a message, on a picture or wherever, memories relating to that date starts flowing into my mind. I don't have super good memory, I don't remember most details but some I remember, the feelings I remember.

My grandma passed away last October, and anything dating around that time would remind me of her, my memories of her, memories of myself. There are some things that I can never forget, some things I don't want to forget.

Thinking about time, I have to wonder is it worth being away from home, from my family. 9 months isn't a comparatively long time but alot of things can happen in 9 months. Ever since my grandma left, nothing is more important than being with family yet my decisions and options always seem to lead me away from home.

Today as I'm resting, I heard this in my heart. That even though its nobody's fault that I'm away from my family, God will still restore my time with my family. I fear change, I fear that changes will happen when I return home but I know God is telling me to Rest and know that He is taking care of me and my family. That when I return home i'll have a wonderful time with my family, having a closer bond with one another.

My heart still feels heavy as I write, as if my worry hasn't been lifted but God is faithful. He will do what He promised and most importantly I know God loves my family.

Life in China

2007-03-11T21:35:00.000+08:00

7/3/07

I've been in China for a week.

I'm working in Shanghai, no, not the big metropolitan you see on the news and paper everyday. I'm a little town called She Shan in one of the districts of Shanghai. She Shan is smaller, dirtier and noisier than your average little town back home.

My apartment I share with 2 other collegues. Think of a small 2 room apartment with very minimal furniture and no renovation, leaving me with more or less a bed with four empty walls. And lets not talk about the bathroom.

Work has been tough, we're receiving banquet after banquet and even though i'm not requested to do the 'dirty work' its much tougher than your everyday 9-6 job. I had a taste of my first overtime by working from 2.00pm in the afternoon all the way till 3.00am in the morning with no other way but to take a 40 minute walk back home.

My feelings...

I'm totally worn out. I almost gave up the first day I saw the place i'd be living in for the next 9 months. Just picture this, my housemate, a native Chinese from another province in China initially couldn't even accept the fact that she'd be living in a place like this. Whatmore a foreigner like me? Un-accustomed to the culture and the living standards of the Chinese people. Even though we're the same race, yet a few generations in Malaysia and Singapore has changed us more than one would have thought. We're so alike yet so different in a way.

Turnover rate at my hotel is very high, and is always short of staff - I can see why. My questionis will I be part of the turnover before my 9 months.

With an open ticket in my bag its tempting to take a taxi to bring me back to the airport and board the next flight back home. I haven't even unpacked most of my stuff. I'm living life one day at the time. Counting the days, and so far i've only counted one week.

Sometimes I wonder why do I get myself into such situations? People say this is life, its a good opportunity to learn and grow up, many people live in much worst situations than me - I could definitely say that for the rest of my banquet collegues. But thats doesn't mean one has to go through all these crap to succeed does it?

I know this Hospitality thing is not for me. It has only brought me from one bad situation to the next. But I thank God that my calling has nothing to do with any of these. I read an NCC devotional back in Malaysia saying that we're called from our mother's womb - meaning God has a calling for us since before we were born. Its not after graduating High School only does he have a calling for us, its also not about our education. So regardless whether we chosed the right course or not we can still fulfill our calling.

I've found my new identity in Christ. Now I need to believe that i'm still God's beloved despite all these circumstances. Never once in my life have I so depended on His Grace, His Favour, His Favour.

Every morning I wake up Homesick. Just looking around my surroundings makes me wanna go home. After a long day of work I feel like i've got no home to go to. I hate this life. The reason I still wake up everyday and sleep every night is knowing that i've got God, and with God i've got hope.

I live everyday through His blessings. In these circumstances i'm still so blessed by Him. I have a wonderful housemate, some great collegues and a Human Resource Manager being my Singaporean Sister who understands my situation.

I have no idea how long can I tolerate this. I pray for a way out. I want Out.

11/7/07

Its Sunday. I'm lucky to have this weekend off. We're entitled to 2 days off per week in China but working in the Banquet Department doesn't guarantee us that luxury. Went out to Shanghai City yesterday - The Real Shanghai Metropolitan.

The difference are Heaven and Hell, Black and White, Up and Down - Total Opposite! Its easy to overcome Homesickness in Shanghai, Malaysian supermarkets (i.e. Parkson), Singaporean Restaurants (i.e. Prima Taste) are not hard to find.

Direct import products from Singapore and Malaysia are available at a higher price but nevertheless available. You have your typical electronics district, shopping districts, makan districts that are similar to our local counterparts. There are also quite a number of Malaysians and Singaporeans living in Shanghai.

Getting away from the mundane lifeless Kampung Life in SheShan did make me feel alive again. Also serving as a reminder that life in SheShan is only temporary. I can't wait to go home!

Work has been tough and its only gonna get tougher.

I'm blessed and i'm only gonna get more blessed!

God is good, i've been really down ever since I came and i've been crying out to Him. God blessed me with a Singaporean Sis - Ms. Joyce thats looks out for me, and not just so, she's even letting me stay at her apartment whenever I want. Its supposedly not allowed but she understands my situation and she doesn't mind. I'm truly blessed despite my circumstances.

Funny how God keeps using Singaporeans to bless me, first a Singaporean Church, a Singaporean Brother in Switzerland and now a Singaporean Sister in China. I find that Malaysians and Singaporeans are more than neighbours, we're family. They're some nasty Singaporeans as well as nasty Malaysians but I can't help but feel a sense of familiarity whenever i'm introduced to a Singaporean or Malaysian overseas. We're practically the same. I do have plans to work in Singapore.

My family have been supportive, they've been encouraging me to endeavour for the next 9 months and i'll try. 9 months is a long time and I don't know whats gonna happen in between. For now i'm still living a day at a time, not holding on to anything but letting God hold on to me. I give up, I don't want to strive to survive, i'll do my job and i'll leave the rest to Jesus - The Finished Work.

To China

2007-02-27T21:48:00.000+08:00

I'll be leaving for Shanghai, China tonight. God knows when will I have internet access there as I will have to suscribe myself. Besides I've also heard of a rumoured blogspot ban in China.. so we'll see how it goes la.

Its pretty scary if you ask me... I really don't know what to expect there but I know Daddy God is gonna be with me all the way!

To everyone I wish you all Shalom meaning Peace in hebrew.

Goodbye!

The Love of a Grandfather

2007-02-26T00:00:00.000+08:00

Yesterday my grandfather passed my aunt a note.

The note started with a few mention about the maid who is currently taking care of him after my grandma's passing.

Then, he wrote about how much he will be missing me while i'm away in Shanghai and that even though we're not that close to one another he wishes me all the best and to have a successful life. This applies to my sister as well.

Next my grandfather wrote to my dad who's working in Cambodia, wishing him that he'll become a successful man (which he is) and also to live a good life.

Finally he wrote about my aunt, asking her to quit her job when he wins the lottery for he's not happy with my aunt's company.

My grandfather wrote the message in clear english, he could very well outwrite anyone of us.

Its not a norm for my grandfather to write notes, the reason he did this was to tell us his feelings and desires - how much he loves and cares for us. My grandfather has difficulty speaking and walking due to his infirmities. Even so this has not dampened his love for us as a father.

I have to admit I was always closer to my grandma but that day I saw how much my grandfather loves his family. Its one thing to provide, its another to love. One could provide for his family without love, but my grandfather not being able to provide showed me the greatest love one could ever give.

And this is more precious than any provision in the world.

My grandfather is a great man, he may not have been rich as others were, not as healthy as others are but he is a great man of Love and i'm so proud of him.

Unknown to my grandfather, this simple note will transform my life drastically.

I was touched by the note, at the same moment a revelation of God's love fell into my heart. Seeing how much my grandfather loves me, my family in his infirmities how much more would our father in heaven would love us?

My grandfather wishes me a successful life, he wishes me all the best. Would my heavenly father wish me any less? That desire of every parent to see their kids live a good life is the same desire that God has for all of us. He gave up His son that we may live a good life.

Yesterday, I experienced love from my grandfather and in turn love all over again from Daddy God. Its just a simple revelation of love, but this revelation alone is all I need to know that i'll lead a good, abundant, shalom life.

I Feel

2007-02-20T23:53:00.000+08:00

Our feelings and emotions are what makes us Human.

Ever watched those sci-fi movies about Artificial Intelligence or robots?

Artificial Intelligence do think, but they do not feel.

We are created with feelings yet at some point you would have heard someone say they wished they're heart was made of stone, not wanting to have feelings.

Our maker understand our feelings but He's telling us not to trust in our feelings but to have Faith. I can see why, feelings are so misleading.

Right now i'm feeling real Angry. Streamyx is trying to be funny with me by giving me a bad line which makes it difficult or simply impossible for me to go online. At the same time my Final Fantasy 12 disc starts to have errors just when I've fallen in 'love' with the game. Also adding in some 'growing pains' and u get one frustrated Jonathan.

Who do you think of first when something goes wrong? I think of God. Somehow I always think about Him when things go wrong - not to pray but to question. The first question would be 'WHY GOD? WHY?' Everyime when something goes wrong for me I'd think God is behind it and my anger only makes me angry at God.

Faith makes me believe that God loves me no matter how i feel about him. Its hard to see blessings coming in to your life with your back turned against God but it still does. Because its not our faith that brings us our blessings ; its our faithful God.

My bro Eugene is currently so blessed in America. (Check out his blog by clicking on the link on the bottom right.) Eugene's life is a perfect testament of God's love and favour to His children. I on the other hand seem to not have recieved anything yet. I'm still struggling to grow up and finding my place in life. Alot of questions unanswered, alot of frustration building and problems rising.

Yet blessed i know i am, by faith i know my life would reflect God's glory in spite of my circumstances. I'm actually writing this post to let out steam. So please excuse the repetitive nature of my message.

There's alot in my heart that i need to let out, but sometimes i just don't feel like talking to God even though he's the only person available.

I want out of my feelings,

but without then i wouldn't be me.

People always say 'Be Yourself'

but what happens when 'Myself' isn't good enough?

Daddy help me.

Breaking Free from Religion ; Entering His Presence

2007-02-10T01:00:00.000+08:00

Religion is nothing but a set of supernatural laws or rituals believed to be given by 'Divine' beings. Thats what religion is if u ask me. No need to refer to the irrefutable Oxford Dictionary.

I've been going through some 'Growing Pains' for the past week and I had this Q&A session with Daddy God. It was no quiet solitary confession with Him, instead I was literally shouting my questions to Him. I went to Him in anger, in hurt and He listened. He listened with compassion, His heart feeling my hurt, my anger.

Any religious person would be appalled simply by knowing the way i spoke to God. But I believe God himself isn't concern about that. He's concern about me. Fast forward merely a few days and here I am with a spirit of thanksgiving, praising the Lord, all these because of His love. And to really get me into this spirit of thankgiving is His faithfulness. Yong Kim was telling me this problem of his but he knew God would see him through. Guess what? God's favour was with Yong Kim and to make it simple - everything's okay!

Its so awesome to know what a Faithful God we have. All the promises mentioned in the Bible, all the Blessings are for us! And knowing that God's word will not return to Him void, we can't help but be BLESSED!

Ever since listening to Ps Prince's ministry I truly know why Christianity is not a religion. God is getting so Real in my life. He's no longer the MAN up there. He's the man IN me, WITH me, FOR me.

For whatever reason, i seem to be kept reminded that i'm still young. People seem to be asking me my age and saying that i'm young. I on the other hand wanna grow older. You know, completing my studies and stuff. Perhaps God is asking me to enjoy the ride. The 2 most inspiring words to me are 'It's okay la' and 'Rest' said by non other than my bro Eugene. At first glance it sounds like 2 lazy words but HAH, the Holy Spirit uses such small words to bring blessings into lives!

My bro Eugene is currently in America and I am forever grateful to him. I bless him and Honour him with all my heart. I myself will be heading to China on the 27th for my internship for 9 months. 2 beloved child of God in 2 different places. 1 God with countless blessings. My spiritual mathematic is telling me its gonna be a wonderful ride for the both of us and I confess that in Jesus' name.

To end my post,

I'm breaking free from religion. My God is my Friend, my Father, my King and I His Friend, His Son, His Prince.

Final Struggle

2007-02-03T01:53:00.000+08:00

I made a post based on Ps Chin's 'Exchanging Your Strength With Jesus' Strength' sermon, it was titiled Boasting In My Weaknesses.

In that post i mentioned about letting go and letting God. We do not need to fight life's toughest battles, Jesus has fought and conquered it all at the cross for us. As children of God, we will live an abundant life and by that i mean a life full of love, health and prosperity. All that we want and need will be provided. Our part is just to open our doors to recieve. Its that simple. However problem arises when we depend on our self effort. For example, we work hard, but we don't look to our hard work to give us the results, we look to God who never disappoints. God can't work when we insist to work for Him. God will not be able to provide when we strive to provide for ourselves.

Simple enough. Upon knowing that truth, I felt secure in my life, my future. I gave everything to God. At least I thought I did - I never gave my relationships to God.

I realised this upon falling for a girl. One day I woke up feeling in love. I thought I was in love with Daddy God, my day went by great, until I got hurt. My heart just sank, that lovely feeling just disappeared. Clearly I wasn't in love with Daddy God. I was unconciously using my self effort in my relationships. For this case, i was hoping that by loving and caring more for that girl I would be loved and cared for in return, apparently thats not the case.

Recently, i got really upset because of this and thats when i know God is telling me i've still not given this part of my life to Him. Its easy to give and believe God for things like success and health, we don't fall in love with our career, but we fall in love with people. I've fallen deeply for this girl and it hurts holding on to this love knowing that no matter what i do its not gonna work.

I questioned God why me? why is it so hard for me? why can't i have someone i love? and i believe the answer is because He loves me. Ps Chin's life is a perfect example of a man who struggled with God in this area and also a perfect testament to God's grace and love when he decided to let go.

I hate going through this, but i'm glad that God pointed out the final area of my life in which i've yet to let go. I've had enough problems with my relationships and its time to give all of them to Daddy. The only way i could let go is to see the bigger picture of Daddy's great blessing for me. I'm asking Daddy for a revelation of that blessing for i know Daddy's making a way for Greatness in my life.

I'm back home, with my friends and family. I wanna cherish and enjoy my time back home, not getting upset over something i can't change. This will be my final struggle, i'm handling my relationships to Daddy and He'll return them a hundreth times better in quantity and in quality.

Things I'd Never Thought I'd Do In Swiss

2007-01-26T00:40:00.001+08:00

Switzerland, the heart of Europe, kinda... the Austrians say they're the heart of Europe but i dun really care. A land plagued with cows, grass, hills and french speaking people for my part of Switzerland, never would i dream of improving my chinese or being more proud to be Asian.

Anyway here's a list of thing's i'd never thought i'd do or feel in Swiss

1. To have a majority of Hong Kong friends.

2. To speak cantonese more often than any other language.

3. To find Mandarin to be 'Sexier' than French. Seriously French is overrated.

4. To actually want to improve my Mandarin and Cantonese.

5. To find bahasa reasonably useful.

6. To speak bahasa with a Korean. (i'm serious, i was so so shocked listening to him speak in bahasa Indonesia!)

7. To 'attend' a Singaporean church - NCC sermons!!

8. To be interested in the Korean language.

9. To find the 'grass to be so much greener' back home.

10. To have never ever been so proud to be a Malaysian Chinese!

the things i'd never thought i'd do aren't merely limited to this list. almost nothing turned out as expected and in a way it took a turn for the better i believe. God is Good.

Remember the walk in the dessert in my previous post? well the children of Israel weren't alone while they were wandering, God was with them in the cloud and pillar of Fire. Jesus is forever here with me, in me, FOR ME.

I remember the times my primary school teacher calling me a 'Banana Person' - Yellow on the outside white on the inside. I used to embrace that but NOT ANYMORE, i'm uniquely a Malaysian Chinese :)

Homeward Bound

2007-01-21T21:14:00.000+08:00

One week from now and i'll be on my way home. I seriously can't wait to go home, yet home will never be the same again. But i'm hopeful that its only going to get better.

I've been super emo lately, been listening to too many emotional chinese songs lately thanks to mp3.baidu.com - awesome website that lets u download almost every chinese song in existance.

Life is full of regrets dont you think? Sometimes people come and go so fast in your life you could only regret not being able to know them better. I've made some really sweet friends in Switzerland but i'm not sure will i be seeing them in 2nd year as everyone is contemplating on changing to another school. But short friendships can be quite sweet, you know them long enough to have fun but short enough to avoid conflict.

Also i find life to be a big empty void of nothingness. See how i empahsize on the emptiness, i'm using 3 words bearing the same meaning to express how empty i think life is. Okay la, its not that bad. Life isn't oblivion but it sure is one heck of a long journey.

I'm not walking in oblivion i'm just walking in the desert or a big big plain with nothing but sand waiting to enter my promised land. at least thats how i feel. God sees me successful, he sees me prosperous and all because God is outside time. He sees us as who we become eventually, which is good. I however do not have the sixth sense and am not patient enough to wait!!

Yes i confess i'm one impatient brat. i complain that i dun have the things i want, but know i will have them, still i complain. complain about life and its emptiness, meaningless existance when i very well know that its not. must be the songs.

Perhaps we're all impatient one way or another, the only difference is that we exercise our inability to be patient differently. Some go on relationships after relationships, some take drugs, some are so impatient they just kill themselves. I however am too gutless to do any of those except to whine on my blog. haha.

still everytime i whine i'm reminded that He's love and promises endure forever. so all the promises he made will come to past because of Jesus! mayb this is what the world calls as growing pains la.

anyhow, tomorrow's the beginning of my Finals and must study sikit. i'll see some of you real soon. buh bye.

16 Jan 07

2007-01-17T04:51:00.000+08:00

Forget the written time, its still 16th in Switzerland and 16 is a very special day to me, firstly I FINISHED MY SERVICE EXAMINATION. I duno pass or not yet, but it seems very likely that i passed la. Walao wei, you people really duno how torturing service can be,
woke up as early as 5 am to serve breakfast and worked as late as 1 am plus the next morning. Thank God its all over. C'est FINI FINI FINI!!!

Also today happens to be the launch date of WORLD OF WARCRAFT THE BURNING CRUSADE. Haven't been playing WoW for a long long time, not even sure if my bestest WoW buddy Ryck CKW still playing or not, due to his upcoming STPM. The sweet sweet times we had in WoW. I'll never forget our sweet strolls through the Deadmines killing everything in our paths, or those lvling up days in Strengthlethorn Vale.

Anyhow i'm still a super duper big WoW addict 'ahem' fan. Oh and not forgeting my little cousin wayne, don't play play, his Warlock could own you N00Bs anyday.

In commemorating this momentous occasion, i bestow upon you the BURNING CRUSADE logo!

Will be having non stop WarCraft 3 skirmishes to satisfy my thirst for WoW. God Bless People!

I Rejoice

2007-01-13T01:00:00.000+08:00

i've been rejoicing through my trials and circumstances.

Today i've decided that i would rejoice by celebrating life with the Lord. No more looking at my trials and circumstances, no more trying to hang in there.. I'm soaring above my adversities with Christ, i'm putting on the Best Robe, I'm Killing The Fatted Cow, I'm throwing a Party as i celebrate my sonship with Daddy God!

Abba, Father

2007-01-11T03:24:00.000+08:00

I'm really looking forward to 'MAY BE' coming back end of this month. My academic semester is ending on the 27th this month and i'm supposed to start a 4 - 6 month internship after this month. Initial plan was to get an internship in switzerland. I went for an interview but got turned down and since i'm longing to go back i've decided to try getting an internship near home.

As i'm saying this i can already here all the voices of condemnation shouting things like 'Stupid', 'What a Waste', 'No point coming home'. Somehow these voices of condemnation sounds very much like what i think my parents' thoughts are to the point where i feel like i'm unwelcomed home. My parents are not like that, its all in my head yet somehow this premature return seems to be bothering my parents. I don't talk to anyone else about this because somehow i'm afraid they would say the same things.

I don't want to be seen as the spoilt brat who doesn't appreciate the opportunity study abroad. Yet this is how i've been led to feel like for the past few months. Honestly i would be feeling pretty bad by now, i feel so alone, if there's a time when i would feel like i just don't belong it would be now. I feel myself not belonging in Swiss, yet i feel like i don't belong back home as well. But i'm still a super blessed boy, because i know i belong to the most High God who happens to be my Daddy in Heaven.

During times when i feel like i'm failing everyone i love, i feel embarassed to go to anyone i know i have my Abba to run to. My failures, my mistakes have all been crucified at the cross. Even though there may be times i don't feel his love, there's never a time he doesn't love me. Yi Wern asked in my chatterbox "is zhu whee the only visitor?", whether the answer is Yes, or No it doesn't matter to me, i'll continue posting. Just like life, even if i've got nothing more but God i'll continue living, living in his Grace and Love forever.

I'm not comparing God to my parents, or trying to make my parents seem like the culprit. My parents love me alot, enough to send me away from home that i may have a brighter future. (no sarcasm here) There's a little misunderstanding between us, but i know neither one of us are perfect nor is anyone to be blamed. They need Abba just as much as i do, and i want them to know their son is in good hands because their Abba loves their son more than they can imagine. The world can think or say whatever they want about me, but God would raise me up above the world. I need not be compared to the child of another parent for i'm the child of God.

This is what i told my grandma before she left, that she need not worry about me for God is going to take care of me for the rest of my life, He'll bless me and prosper me, just as he will take care of her. And today i affirm my confession of His love, His willingness, His crucifixion for me. I cry out abba, father, and He comes, sacrficing himself just to be here for me.

Love Led 2007

2007-01-02T22:54:00.000+08:00

As i was reflecting through 2006 just before the year came to an end i found myself thinking alot about the rather 'unpleasant' moments i've been through. And come to think about it, it wasn't as unpleasant as it seemed. I was reflecting more than what happened in 2006, i was thinking of all the times i had misunderstandings, disputes, quarrels with people who are close to me. Despite what happened, they are the people whom i care most, whom i love most today. I was listening to a sermon and there was a part where it mentioned about love for a fellow brother, and i felt that this year its going to be a year of God's Love. God will be pouring out revelations of His Love and also showing me how to love.

My shephard came for me last year, and this year He will be affirming His everlasting love for me because I know He loves me too much to see me lost again. Many of us forget God's love for us as we go through our daily lives. We get all Fired Up after a Church Camp, after a Conference or perhaps after being Born Again but like every normal human being that Fire, that Passion fades away. This was very real to me especially when i was doubting God. I used to be a Cell Leader back in youth, and whenever i saw a young believer being passionate about God ; i saw myself, how i used to be and thinking to myself that the zeal and passion would only run out sooner or later. Christianity then to me seemed to be all about Emotions. You're led to feel like ur loved at the beginning and then left to rot away as u stop feeling God's love.

It sounds stupid i know, even non believers know that God's love is everlasting cause thats what we're preaching to them. But i believe this is very real, in fact its even in the Bible - The Parable of the Lost Son. I got this through Ps Prince's sermon and i'm so blessed by this. Everyone knows the Parable Of The Lost Son, its all about the Forgiveness of the Father. However it's main point is actually about the Father's Love for us. I always thought that the Lost Son repented thats why his Father forgave him. But the son hasn't repented, he wasn't repenting when he was thinking of going back to his father asking to be hired, he was planning of a way to go home and get food. The reason for him returning wasn't because of his father it was for his belly. He was hungry, he was rehearsing that entire speech. Yet all this did not matter to the father. The father ran out to hug him and before the son could finish the speech the father ordered him to be clothed with the best robe and everything. Thats how much God loves us, he's always waiting for the lost to return and and all we need to do is turn to the father ; He'll come running towards us. And that loves causes us to repent.

A more interesting part i found out was the older brother's reaction. I became the older brother, I saw young believers coming to the Father and i thought to myself it's foolish while i continue working for my father - not because of love but obligation. The older brother complained to his father saying he's been working for him for years yet the father never gave a young goat to celebrate with his friends. I was complaining that i wasn't recieving my blessings, i wasn't being loved. And this is what the father replied "My son.... you are always with me, and everything I have is yours." Everything the father has the older brother has also. If the father has a 100 goats it means the older brother has 100 goats as well, simply because he's the son of his father not because of the work he has done. Yet he's getting all jealous when the father is giving his brother a goat. Its exactly the same for me, I had everything i ever needed, the Blessings, The love, it was all there but i wasn't aware of it, i didn't take it while it was freely given to me. Also, God was giving them to me not as a reward for serving Him, he freely gives them because i'm His son.

Every blessing, every healing, everything we ever needed is provided by God, all we need to do is know that He is willing to Give. Christianity is anything but Emotions, its Love. The reason we're so fired up after camps and conferences its because we're reminded of how much God loves us. If we have a revelation of how much God truly loves us, we'd be fired up long after camps regardless of our emotions.
Love is so awesome and I truly want to be led by His love this year. To my family and friends, i love you all. I may not show it and i may not be treating you the way i should be but God's working in me. Know that i Bless and Honour all of you, for what we Bless and honour increases and so shall your health, your life, your prosperity increase. Have a Blessed New Year.

Reflecting 2006

2006-12-25T21:56:00.000+08:00

2006 seems to be the longest year in my life thus far. What started out to be the most unproductive first few months suddenly turned into a whole new ride of exposure and new experiences. I started my year doing practically nothing. I was donating my time and money to World Of WarCraft. Oh the sweet war raging land of Azeroth. Life seemed stagnant then. Everyday was a routine but my feelings were anything but routine. God knows what happened then, i went through a roller coaster or emotions thus naming myself Emo-Boy. I doubted God, I was angry at God, got tired of Church, basically i was one bitter gourd. Then i came to the conclusion if i left this ****ing place perhaps i'd meet new people, i'd love that new place better and mayb i'd be happier. To cut a long story short i chosed to come to Switzerland.

After months of routine-life, i was taken out of that routine and put into another in KL. i went for French Class. Wake Up, Go French Class, come back, Eat Sleep Shit. after 2 months of French Class came the Moment Of Truth - I'm Leaving For Swiss. My grandparents actually went to KL just to see me off. A part of me actually wanted to leave real bad. and i remembered not feeling any sense of anxiousness, i was having that 'If I Can Set My Mind To It I Can Do It' mentality, was so eager to leave. I remember being so full of energy at the airport. It wasn't even a teary departure for me.

However i got disappointed time after time in Swiss. All that enthusiasm and energy started to run out and things really got bad when my grandma was in Critical Condition. And when i came back to Swiss after my grandma's passing i just didn't wanna be in Swiss at all. It's a freakin long story but let me just put it this way. I was actually told that Swiss may not be what i really want, yet i was self-righteous, i was all about self effort thinking that there's no such thing as unsuitable as long as i set my mind to it. How wrong i was. My self-effort world came crashing down when everything wasn't going according to My plan.

But God is Good. My shepherd found me in Switzerland. From being bitter at God He actually gave me the message of Grace and Favour to me through my bro Eugene. Ps Prince and his ministry has blessed me so so much.

Today, it's Christmas. I started the Christmas with a spirit of thanksgiving thanking God for everything. somehow i ended up getting all frustrated about stuff. but i know God is Good. I know i've been telling my 06 story many times but it's through all my trials and circumstances that i truly see how great and how much God loves me. 06 is ending and i'm more than ever uncertain about 2007 due to many reasons. I'm learning about life and love. I'm sick of trying to define love, instead i want to learn to love. i want to love my family, my friends and a special someone even more. i'm also learning that life is tough, work is tough, earning money is tough... but i'm hopeful for 2007 for i know God has already been through 2007 for me. The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?

Rome

2006-12-22T23:40:00.000+08:00

Rome the Eternal City, is now all but a shadow of it's former Glory.

okay la, its not that bad. The Buildings and Architecture of Rome is simply amazing. Pictures wont do justice, you have to see it in front of you and i guarantee you'll be in awe. You can't help but be amazed by the skills and talents of those who build them hundreds of years ago. On the darker side of Rome though, you'll see Heavy Traffic in ever corner of Rome and everyone car is as impatient as the other. Traffic Rules doesn't seem to apply in Rome and if u think a Zebra Crossing is useless in Malaysia wait till you cross one in Rome. The people in Rome aren't the friendliest lot of Europeans u'd meet. Suspicious looking people seems to creep around most dark corners or alleyways. There are also some really annoying and sometimes forceful salespeople. They are everywhere, trying to force people to buy their bracelets, roses, toys or whatever. Rome is a very romantic place considering its beautiful buildings and locales, however the really dangerous traffic, and 'scary' people makes it not quite ideal for a honeymoon destination, for me at least.

my best experience in Rome wasn't exactly in Rome itself. on the 2nd day i went for an 'ArcheoTour' and archeology tour to the archeological sides outside the City Centre of Rome. I went to the Catacombs of St. Callisto thinking it must be some saint's grave. it turned out to be a burial groud for thousands of christians a thousand years ago. The catacombs is made of numerous tunnels spanding 20 kilometres underground. We were told that this was the burial ground for Christians who died persecuted. It was constructed in the outskirts of Rome during the time when Christianity was illegal. The earliest Popes were buried there. inside the catacombs were volcanic rock walls with a rectangular 'hole' made to put the bodies of the dead. Also there were ancient graffiti and pictures depicting Jesus and His teachings. One which really meant alot to me was 3 pictures who told the story about how Jesus had died for us and Death is longer the end. Those pictures were painted there to remind those who came to bury their loved ones that there is Hope for Jesus has given us Salvation. This shows how far God has brought us. from Secret Gatherings of Believers to huge Megachurches around world. God truly has blessed us, and with Jesus as our Saviour, Our Strength, Our Hope, Our Future there's nothing we can't do. Christmas is coming, Christmas may have became a Holiday to the world but we know it's more than a holiday, therefore let us not look to Santa but Jesus for everything in our lives and a great 2007. Merry Christmas!

Someone To Share With

2006-12-09T01:17:00.000+08:00

I'm in Swiss, I'm seeing snow for the first time, I'm going to new places, trying new things. Whether I like it or not you could say its an experience. Whenever i'm having one of those experiences as fun as they may be it always seems 'lacking'. I'm always thinking if only my family or friends could see this with me, in other words 'Wish You Were Here'.

I've always hoped that I could share my life with my grandma for as long as I could. Everytime my grandma says 'I'm Happy That I Can See You Up Till Now', I'd say you're gonna see me get my first job, you're gonna see me get married, you're gonna see me have kids, see my kids have kids. Haha, but anyhow I thank God for blessing me with my grandma for 18 years. As I went to that Cheese Trip I really wished I could tell my grandma how bad the cheese smelled and how right she was when she said European food looks like Pig Food (She saw Jamie Oliver's cooking). I miss my grandma very much, and the only thing that I'm believing right now is that God loves my Grandma alot. It's almost 2 months since her passing but even though there are times i miss her alot, she seems close to me. I've never had one of those Dreams people talk about ; dreams where my grandma would appear and talk to me but i still feel very close to her, like whenever i wanna share something with her it feels like she knows it. Again, i'm forever grateful, if God can bless me with someone who loves me so much how much more does He love me?

This got me thinking about God's love for us. I've been listening to sermons about how Gracious God is and how much He just wants to bless us. I believe what i was told that God would not be lonely even if he didn't create us - Humans. He however created us because I believe He truly WANTS TO SHARE HIS GLORY, HIS LOVE with us. God knew we were gonna cause trouble since the beginning, yet he still created us and even more died for us just so He might be able to be with us. I find this rather similar to parenting or perhaps relationships. I'm sure every parent ; before becoming parents, know that parenting isn't exactly easy, yet they still longed for a child to love and care despite knowing all the sacrifices that awaits them. I believe this is love. Same goes for a 'Serious' relationship, choosing a person to be your life partner for life does require every little bit of commitment and sacrifice. And by choosing to commit to that particular person, i
believe that has to be love.

Along the way problems will arise, kids may go wayward and parents may get disappointed and eventually give up. Life partners may end up divorce. That initial love and commitment may seem foolish. But rejoice knowing that our God has never and never will give up on us. I believe that inside every disappointed parent, inside every broken relationship there is still love. God is love and God will never leave us! Therefore love never leaves us, if only we look away from our problems and look to God, it's impossible not to find love ; For GOD IS LOVE.

My grandma may have left me but that love we have for one another is still keeping us close and that love is God. If you think God is out to judge you, God is not gonna save your family or friends think again! If you haven't found true Love in life thats perhaps you haven't given God a chance to show Himself to you. You may have suffered broken relationships or may be in a broken family. Just know that you're current circumstances aren't Final. The only Final thing is Jesus overcoming Death for us on the Cross crying out 'It Is Finished' so that we may have Life and Love forevermore.

Lord Of The Cheese

2006-12-03T03:35:00.000+08:00

Yesterday the entire First Year had to go for a mandatory Cheese Trip to a town called Gruyere. The Cheese was terrible. It's nothing like KRAFT Cheese, oh you odourless KRAFT. It smelled like Cow Puke! They also made each of us pay 20CHF for Fondue. Yuck. I dun understand why do they enjoy bread dipped in Cheese + White Wine so much. I prefer my Steamboat!

so the cheese factory and fondue was a disappointment to everyone but later we were brought to Gruyere Town Centre which happens to look like a really small medieval town which is so cool. It looks like Rohan from Lord Of The Rings. A little Kingdom on its own. The town in located inside 'Castle Walls' and in those walls there really is a castle. Haha. Also the thing u least expect to find in such a Medieval Setting is an Alien Museum. Know the movie Alien? the disgusting Alien who looks like a Woman movie? It seems the creator of Alien is from that little town so they have a Museum and Bar dedicated to him and his 'work of art'. had to pay 8CHF to enter the museum so forget it. i took alot of pics but due to the slow upload times i 'll just be showing some.

it WAS snowing

2006-12-01T03:46:00.000+08:00

It was snowing like 2 weeks ago. Today it looks like beginning Autumn. It feels kinda like Autumn to which is good, not so cold. Snow is fun the 1st or 2nd time after that i dun think you could really bother thanks to assignments and schoolwork. Still i'm looking forward to making a snow man in the face of my Agent who lied through his teeth to bring me here and push him down the hill.

anyway some pictures i took.

Only Believe

2006-11-26T21:32:00.000+08:00

~~ Jon ar, didn't know how i managed to skip class, end up in computer room and came past your post and read it. Let go? i don't get it, if you let go then whats gonna happen? then i don't have to care anymore? God is gonna take everything from me? i feel insecure. ~~ Yue Hua

I've been thinking of that question and the answer's pretty simple, YES. Just let go and God will take care of you, there's no need to feel insecure for Christ has paid the ultimate price, He took away the sting of Death. What have we got to lose? However, it was suprisingly hard to answer this simple answer. I wanted to confidently shout YES, but as i'm telling Yue Hua not to worry, telling her how God will deliver us by simply believing, I'm starting to feel burdened by my own problems.

It's easy to write super long posts about God's Grace when ur 'Feeling' God. Lately i've been feeling restless while resting! I feel lost, i feel so burdened, I get pissed off at myself whenever i regret. God is always faithful, God's love for us is always present, the Truth Christ has revealed to us. Only believe - so simple, yet hard. Sometimes I wonder why is it so hard for people to simply accept the Truth, it's just by believing. We complicate things by feeding on our feelings and emotions, yet REAL and PART of us our emotions are. I believe God cares about our emotions, he knows our temper, which makes me grateful that we have a God who's patient.

Even though i'm feeling differently, I could only say the same thing - simply believe. For thats the truth and our feelings are not. Our part is to choose whether we Believe in the midst of problems or not. So, Yue Hua i know it's tough for you to simply believe, it's tough for me too yet it's the only way and thank God its the Good way. God said that he came to give us life, and to give it more abundantly, so let's not live life like it's the end, His love will guide us through.

Boasting In My Weaknesses

2006-11-19T20:18:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, i sent an email to Yue Hua. I told her about how i regret choosing this 'Career Path' and that humility is not an issue for me for i find that i have got nothing to boast about. I always hear my peers saying 'I could do this, and that' or 'Ceh, thats simple' and inside me i'm like 'walao, there's alot of things i duno leh'. I also mentioned how ironic is it that my chinese name Weng Yew (荣耀) actually means 'Glory' yet thats something i find that i'm not bringing to my God and my family. I don't find myself scoring straight A's, i'm not exactly a super star in my Primary & Secondary school years, and my 'first college year' doesn't seem to be a blast as well.

Today morning, i heard a sermon from New Creation Church's Youth Pastor - Ps Chin. It was about 'Exchanging Your Strength With Jesus' Strength' i realised how wrong i was, i've got loads to boast about, just as Paul did in 2 Corinthians, Paul boast in his weaknesses for When I Am Weak, Then I Am Strong.I'm always wondering how is it that some people just seems to be SuperStars, they have very evident talents and they seem to know what they want in life. I on the other hand have only kept asking God to show me what am i good at, to show me my pathway. I felt too dependant, i was even afraid that God would get fed up on me. I'm like this as well when it comes to having life partner, okay, i see no point hiding the fact that i want a life partner, it's my dream to have a family. I've always been praying that God provide me with the most suitable one, yet i see that some people don't even need to pray and all the girls just get attracted to them like lalat attracted to tahi. what i'm trying to say is that i feel like my entire life depends on God, i don't seem to be good at much therefore i find that i need God so much.

it's good to depend on God, however it's different to know you need to Depend on God but still depend on your own efforts. Knowing isn't enough, you have to know you need God and LET GO. Depending on our own efforts isn't just striving for that position or that girl but also succumbing to our own emotions. as i said in my last post, we may be grieved yet the joy of the Lord is forever in our hearts. We feel devastated, we feel sad, we feel discouraged when circumstances and failure fall upon us because we're looking at ourselves NOT GOD. for example when we fail our exams, we get all upset with ourselves perhaps for not working hard enough, or discouraged thinking that we're not Smart enough. letting go means knowing its no longer about us, it's looking at God, when you seek God you will know that God isn't about your grades, God isn't about your Intellect, God is about YOU. the things you get out of your trials and circumstances are so much BIGGER than the problem itself. little do we realize how small significant things of man's standard can be when it comes to God. People say at this day and age you don't get a Degree you can never get a job, a degree may be important but a Degree doesn't last, YOU DO.

Ps Chin was telling us how he failed to get the girls he wanted back in his teenage days, and all the trials he had to go through be it in Relationship, Studies or Career. I believe all of us could relate to him, and he became what he is today simply because of God's Favour not on his own efforts. If he would have had the girl he wanted back then or if he would have been super smart and scored straight A's back then he would not have known what it means to let go and depend on God. He wouldn't be where and most importantly HOW he is today!

Ps Chin shared the story about Jacob wrestling with God in Genesis 32: 22-31. Jacob was a man who depended on his own efforts, he got his father's blessing by decieving his father, one night Jacob was left alone with God, and he Wrestled with God till daybreak. Jacob just didn't wanna let go and let God, in turn God touched the socket of Jacob's hip so that his rip was wrenched. What this means is that there are times and there are some people who are so confident over their own efforts, they find no need to depend on God because everything seem to be so in place for them. The hip that God wrenched represents Strength, after God wrenched Jacob's hip Jacob was limping and he had to depend on God from then on. Sometimes we wonder why doesn't God give me this talent or this ability that's because God wants us to depend on Him rather than to be self sufficient.

but the point here is not that God holds back things from us, God wants us to seek Him and when we do, the floodgates of heaven would pour out and you would be so blessed you can't help but shine God's Glory. if anyone out there who's 'fearful' of their studies, in doubt of their abilities, uncertain about the future, Welcome To The Club! the good news is that God loves 'Losers by World Standards'. our weaknesses are all but a blessing in disguise and when we Let Go and Let God, God will bless us abundantly with good things, not because we deserve it, but because He Loves Us. I haven't been a 'superstar' in my school years i seem to be suffering through my first college year, yet it's all but temporary, God has a wonderful future planned for me, now that i know its all Him, i need not worry and i'm rest assured that my Future will be a Hopeful and Blessed Future.

(just so u ppl know, i still wanna leave Switzerland ASAP, i'm still uncertain about alot of things, there's still alot of question and confusion but i just wanna share this post with you guys so that we could Let Go and Let God together, we could learn how to be grateful and praise God in our circumstances and ultimately God Glory be manifested upon us!)

Of Joy and Happiness

2006-11-09T18:22:00.000+08:00

woke up early this morning thinking i had class, found out the only class i had today was at 4pm.

since i'm awake i went to check my mail and soon found my way to my blog. I read every single post i made since July 06, i always thought not many people viewed my blog and that blogging seemed kinda like a waste of time, yet i'm glad i blogged. all the thoughts and memories while writing those old posts came back to me. Even if no one reads my blog i would continue posting, my posts are my REAL thoughts and FEELINGS, by posting them i'm celebrating my 'joys' and sorrows. It reminds me how much God has led me through my life, how much I am in need of God and ultimately it makes me cry out 'How Great Is My God'.

clearly i've not been very happy for a very long time, it feels like i've not found very much to be happy about, add in my grandma's passing and how much I regret being in Switzerland I'm at the verge of breaking down. Few days back I felt so bad I didn't know what to do, I was feeling very Sad yet more than ever I feel close to God. I knew God was there for me, and I was reminded of His promises but i'm still 'grieved'. I was worried that there's something wrong in my walk with God, some part of it wasn't right. If non believers can run around the halls talking and laughing why am I at a corner crying out to God in my sorrows?

It was then my bro in Christ Eugene told me that there's a difference between Happiness and Joy. Happiness, something which everyone seems to be seeking may be more temporal than we thought. Happiness comes for example when we get something we want, we feel happy the moment we get what we want but it doesn't last. Joy on the other hand is getting what we really need, and long after happiness fades away Joy prevails.

Things haven't been going the way I want them to. I do not want to be in Switzerland, I want to be back home, I want to be with my friends and family, I want to see my grandma again. However on the other hand, I am Getting What I NEED. Jesus is in my life, more REAL than ever, I am falling in Love with Him everday and given reasons to Praise Him in my circumstances. I may not have what i want, but i have what i need ; in turn i have an everlasting Joy in me whenever and wherever I am.

In the book ~~Touch Points of Hope~~ given to me by my aunt, i found this in the chapter regarding Joy.
DOES GOD PROMISE ME HAPPINESS?
James 1:2 Whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy.
Explanation : God does not promise temporary happiness; in fact the Bible assumes problems will come your way. But God does promise lasting joy for all those who believe in Him. This kind of joy stays with you despite your problems. You can have lasting joy even if you don't have temporary happiness.

In the midst of Sorrow and Grieve, as we regret our past choices and mistakes, as the world judge us for who we are...

we know joy comes in the morning, we know God is there to bring us back to Him, we know God sees us in prefection through Jesus...

We have Joy through the Son Of God, saved by His mercy found in His grace,
Hear us sing HALLELUJAH!

Lost In Switzerland

2006-11-01T22:26:00.000+08:00

3rd day back in Swiss and i'm still feeling down and low.
I have loads to catch up and whoopdedoo Mid Term is so conveniently placed on the next day after my arrival. But thats not what's bothering me, I can cope with that, I just can't stand being 6000 miles away from home.

I would like to point out my lovely cousin Michelle's post 'Of Choices and Mistakes'.
let me quote her post

~~Life is never fair. Full of choices and full of nonsenses. We have to make ht best choice and truthfully that particular choice may not be the best choice for us but yet at that very moment, that seems like the only best choice in your eyes.~~

okay, i've got no idea what choice or what she's actually refering to but she put into words what part of me is feeling.

I'm feeling so crappy in Switzerland and who is there to blame? - Myself.

It's a choice I made to come to Switzerland. I came here by MY own will WITH my parents' money, and a huge sum of money I may add. And i've been regretting that choice I made ever since i came back after my grandma's passing. I know even if i stayed back in Malaysia I couldn't have changed anything. However I would be able to spend more time with her before she left, it would have meant very much to me. Life offers us alot of choices, and like my cousin said we have to make the best choice but that particular choice may not be the best choice for us.

It's a privilege given the chance to study in Swiss, ideally it gives you exporsure, experience and possibly good a career after graduation. However, if given me the choice to choose again I would choose to be close to home. It sounds shortsighted, and foolish but hey, I would have saved myself from alot of Regrets and Emotions. As I was on the plane back to Switzerland the other day i've never felt so Lost before. My heart longs for home yet i'm forcing myself to go back to Switzerland. I kept questioning myself what am I doing, what was I thinking... Everyone says its only for a while, just a few years, it'll pass very fast. but things can change in a month, whatmore years? i don't want to keep sacrificing for an unforseen future which may never come, because you may keep working and sacrificing for that 'Future' which may be more abstract than you think.

I know i'm already here and i should complete my course. I will. my parents did not pay for nothing but i've learnt not to decide on my own. the next time i'll let He who knows my Future decide my Future.

In the midst of Resentment, Regret, Worry and Sorrow

2006-10-25T23:01:00.000+08:00

almost 2 weeks have passed since my grandma's passing. everyone in the family is back to their normal routine/lives and so must I. I will be leaving for Switzerland this saturday which i really dread.

Alot of things happened this month which is so not what i've thought of in my initial plan. Everything seemed to be working perfectly as i planned before this month, but then everything came crashing down - which goes to show i'm not in control. As i mentioned in my previous post,I chosed to stand firm in Jesus who loves us and will bless us for the better. even so, i can't help but feel differently about many things.

i'm starting to think of the past. I keep asking myself 'What If' questions. Like 'WHAT IF I DID NOT LEAVE FOR SWISS?' etc. would i be able to see my grandma a little longer? would i be able to spend more quality time with my grandma? And this has led me to feel Regret. Ever since i came home, i discovered how much my family and my home means to me. I realised that I would choose my family over success anyday, i realised that i do not need to be overseas or be different to be successful. I realised that i wanted to be Close To Home.

Following Regret came Resentment. I start to resent myself for choosing to go to Swiss. I'm feeling condemned thinking that i've just wasted alot of my parents' money by regretting. I resent Switzerland, i resent my school for whatever reason. Thoughts of leaving Europe as soon as possible kept going through my mind.

These feelings are partly a result of my Worries. I've been missing classes for 3 weeks. and i feel like i'm really left behind. Mid Terms is next month (next week) and i just feel so crappy. i dun feel close to anyone back at school, which ultimately makes me feel all ALONE in a school filled with people who couldn't care less about me.

At the end of it all. I'm sad. Everyone in my family may have gone back to their normal routines but everyone of us no doubt misses my grandma very much. There are times where i just miss her so much... and i know i'll be missing her even more when i'm faraway from home, from family.

Adding all these together results into a very LOST BOY. honestly i feel so lost. i do not know what i want anymore, i do not know whether is what i'm doing right or not, i feel so alone, i do not know whats gonna happen, where will i be going, at times i just feel like SHutting Down.

The only remedy i have is God. God promised never to forsake me, and that He has great plans for me. I know God is real and most importantly God loves me. I feel lost, i feel emptiness, honestly i dun even feel that close to God. but thats all insignificant because of his great love for me. I want all of you to bear witness the blessings and miracles that God will pour abundantly unto me as he takes me out from my Lost-State and Prosper me.

Loving Her Forever

2006-10-15T22:48:00.000+08:00

My Grandma passed away October 14 2006
around 2.35pm

That would be the day I have been dreading since I was a kid. My grandma, the woman who took care of me since i was 1 day old has since then been the closest person to me. Since young i have been praying that this woman would be able to walk through life with me. I remember before Christ came into my life, i kept praying if only if only someone up there would lengthen my grandma's life by taking a few years from my life and adding it to hers. Childish huh? Then I came to know Christ, and i came to know about heaven and hell. The first person whom i thought of was my grandma, and i've been praying for her in Jesus' name ever since then.

There were some times where we had some misunderstanding due to our different religion believes, but that was because we loved each other deeply. I wanted her to recieve salvation so badly i admit i got too forceful at times, while she kept praying for me because she thought i was being too fanatical. There were prayers prayed out of love more than anything else. Eventually we managed to keep the whole religion thing aside but I kept praying for her salvation while she kept praying for my well-being.

despite of that, i loved her as a grandma every single day and she loved me so dearly. she loved everyone of us. when i was told my grandma's illness was critical, i just 'brokedown'. I kept praying and praying. then my dad gave me a call on thursday 2 weeks ago asking me to return to malaysia. the situation then was so bad my dad couldn't tell would i be able to see my grandma by the time i returned on Saturday morning. I prayed and my prayers were answered, i got to see my grandma in her best condition since she was admitted into ICU that Saturday. What's next is all in my previous post. I kept praying for Healing and i believe that she will be healed. yet somehow she wasn't. her condition got worst till the doctors had all but one more alternative which wasn't even gonna cure her. my grandma who was fighting with a weak health for years decided to go home ; and so we brought her home.

the past 2 days were i believe the hardest days me and my family had ever been through. we could only stand by her bed and watch helplessly as my grandma got weaker and weaker. the phrase Look To God had never been so real. i could do nothing but pray, i prayed in tongues, i laid hands on my grandma i did everything i could think of, and even so in the end i had to let go and just Trust In God. during my grandma's last moments, everyone whom my grandma wanted to see stood by her bed and watched her leave peacefully. while everyone was crying, i couldn't think, i couldn't do anything.. my mind was blank. i just wanted a fellow Christian to tell me what happened. i tried calling my aunt, called yong kim, but i couldn't get through and the next number was Yue Hua.

A day later, after the funeral. things are starting to get in place. me and my family are mainly okay, because we believe that my grandma had lived a good life, and it was better for her to leave than being in her current state. i was being told by my fellow christian aunts and friends to take it easy and that Jesus has the final say. I believe God loves me grandma very very much. He was clearly thinking of her when He sent Jesus to die for her. My grandma was a very nice lady and despite living a rather hard life God gave her happiness. There are many things in which i don't understand. Alot of things i prayed for didn't seem to happen, and i've got so much to ask God. yet if it wasn't God who brought such a wonderful grandma into my life i would never have felt such love, such lost. and because of that i choose to stand firm in Jesus. such a loving God wouldn't let my grandma go that easily. He would have brought her home to where she belongs and i would live the rest of my life loving that great God and my Grandma with hope that i would see my grandma again when my story here ends.

Mama, Ngo Hou Gua Jue Lei

Home

2006-10-08T01:29:00.000+08:00

i'm home.
i came home to see my grandmother who is currently being healed by the LORD! and because my God is so good, he will not only heal my grandmother but also give her good health and ultimately Salvation.

it's not easy hearing that my grandma has kidney failure thousands of miles away, it's also not easy travelling all the for more than 14 hours back to Malaysia but i'm glad i'm home and i'm more than happy to see my grandmother. God is so good. He brought me home and i'm able to see my grandma. Better still i believe i will be able to see my grandma get healed by the power of my God. Our God is a God of miracles, Amen brothers and sisters in Christ!

some people might be worrying for me about the expenses needed to get home and back to Swiss later on or maybe even my studies, but know this, the moment i heard my grandma was in ICU because of kidney failure, everything became so insignificant ; all that mattered was God and my family. like what is written in Matthew is life not more important than those things? It also tells me not to worry because our Heavenly Father knows that i need them and that if i seek first his kingdom and learn to trust in Him, all those thinsg will eventually be mine.

I've been listening to Pastor Prince's sermons about Hope - Bible Hope. A Hope in which we can be confident in. Through the sermons that i've been listening to for the past month God told me He loved me deeply, then He told me that i am righteous in His eyes, then He made me realised how Favoured i was and how much he wants to pour out His blessings for me. And now despite all these circumstances God wants to make me lie down in green pastures while i Trust in Him.

What a Wonderful God :)

At The Cross (acompanied by random pictures)

2006-09-29T23:29:00.000+08:00

At The Cross
Hillsong

Oh Lord You’ve searched me,
You know my way;
Even when I fail You,
I know You love me.

Your holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season,
I know You love me;
I know You love me.

At the cross I bow my knee,
Where Your blood was shed for me,
There’s no greater love than this.

You have overcome the grave,
Your glory fills the highest place,
What can separate me now?

You go before me,
You shield my way,
Your hand upholds me;
I know You love me.

And when the earth fades,
Falls from my eyes,
And You stand before me,
I know You love me;
I know You love me.

You tore the veil,
You made a way
When You said that it is done.

Geneva Excursion

2006-09-24T21:15:00.000+08:00

went to Geneva yesterday and saw some really really big Air Pancut thing yesterday. duno what i'm talking about? take a look at the pics!! :P

Excuse me for the similar posses. its me trade mark 'One Hand In Pocket' pose.

see how high is it?

the scariest carousel in all the earth

i'll post more pictures next time... gotta work now.. take care ppl...

Praise The Lord!

2006-09-17T23:41:00.000+08:00

Praise The Lord For Good Internet Connection today. Its a really really rare phenomenan here! i managed to post pictures on my blog, recieve an entire song from Leland. Send emails, Check my mail without Disturbance!

I was listening to a sermon that i got from my Singapore Friend Eugene about us being God's Beloved and that our lives and everything will be for the better and thats all because of God's Favour upon us! the sermon was preached by Pastor Prince from New Creation Church Singapore, and its awesome!! Good things will happen to you because you are God's Beloved and thats soo true. i'm not just saying that cause i got good internet connection today :P but still i believe God's favour is upon me and you because He loves us sooo much!

anyway, i'll post more pictures since i'm given the opportunity.. here are some pictures of me and my friends

Some Pictures.. Finally!

2006-09-17T22:33:00.000+08:00

View Outside My Window

Another View Outside My Window

Me In My Kitchen Duty Uniform
My Room After Cleaning

My Room Before Cleaning

Thats all first... post more next time.. take Care people!!

Week 02

2006-09-14T22:09:00.000+08:00

Monday September 11th
week 2.

my second week in Switzerland and also the 2nd out of 18th weeks of my First Year Semester. come to think about it, it doesn't seem that long doesn't it? still home sick-ness is killing me. the prefect song so describe my home sick-ness would no doubt be Home By Michael Buble. i miss my family, friends, internet, TV and of course FOOD! i know its just 2 weeks but 2 weeks of eating Rice cooked by 'Guai Lous' really makes u crave for a plate of Chicken Rice, Nasi Lemak or whatever.

my best friends now are my MP3s which i took from my friend, and my books when i'm in my room. yes, books are my friends, see how bored i am? well at least i'll get a little smarter after this 3 year course. oh and did i mention i'm writing this post in my room using Notepad again? i've gotten over the fact that my room has no internet connection. BUT NOW, the entire school's internet connection is DYING. think pre-56k modem era. whats the pre-56k era like u ask? well its sooo slow till ur internet browser tends to forget what it was trying to do and stares at you blankly. it doesn't even show u a 'This Page Cannot Be Displayed' sign, it just stares at u blankly while u stare back at it blankly.

on a more positive side, i've managed to find a group of friends which primarily consist of Malaysians, Singaporeans, Hong Kong and China fellas. they're a nice bunch of fellas who looks out for one another and does stupid things together. not much cultural diversity though, we're mainly chinese, Malaysian Chinese, Singaporean Chinese, Hong Kong Chinese, China Chinese.. all chinese le, except one malaysian indian who happens to know a little Chinese as well. k thats all, gotta do revision now, tomorrow got kitchen duty from 8 to 8 summore. bye ppl, if the internet connection is good u'll get to see some pictures below this post or else, sorry la.. next time. take care.

Week 1 OVER!

2006-09-09T02:58:00.000+08:00

heya people, once again another blog entry pre-written using Notepad. poor me. after all sorts of information i've got from students, IT department people, and more students i came to the conclusion that my room does NOT have internet connection by sitting in my room with my laptop on WITHOUT recieving any sort of Wireless Network. so the only thing i could do now to go online is to use my school's stupid comp or bring my comp to the school's stupid internet cafe.

its really really tough being 10,000+ km away from your family without internet connection! whats worst is that it seems the school blocked all Webcam. so with or without internet they'd be no Webcam. pity those who have a girl friend back home.... i'm currently sitting in my room waiting for my next class at 10am (4pm malaysian) classes are okay EXCEPT F&B Production and Service. in this class we have to either be the kitchen crew or the service crew. and i happened to be part of the kitchen crew for the first half-semester. kitchen crew is okay, i've done from cooking in a 'French Kitchen' to simply peeling 100s of potatoes (no kidding) and helping to clean dirty carts of dirty plates. what worries me is the next half semester i'll be doing service which is no fun at all, i will have to work from 6.30am till 12am... not 12pm but am!

service would be a good 'motivation' for me to study really really hard so when i graduate i'd end up being anything but a waiter in a restaurant or something like that. thankfully this whole F&B thing is only for the First Year. well i find that i'm starting to get boring by yapping away about this and that. i'll post some pictures as soon as i make my next trip to the internet cafe... keep sending me emails people!!

03 September

2006-09-07T02:42:00.000+08:00

heya people, i'm actually typing this blog entry with notepad because i have no idea when will i be able to use the promised WIFI in my room (for a cost which was not mentioned when i enrolled in this school)! actually i dun even know if my room is WIFI capable i do however will be able to go online using stupid MACs at the school's Internet Cafe. my first 2 days in Swiss was terrible! yes, very terrible in fact.

i just had a super long flight + another stupid domestic flight just to reach Geneva. and from Geneva i had to take another bus ride to the town called Montreux. and from there i was transferred to a campus which was an hour's drive up the hills. later only did i realised my bags were sent to another campus and i was told that i was sent to the wrong campus. i had to explain my situation to many many ppl, call home many many times to try to sort things out. after doing so from midday till 6 i was finally taken to the other campus which i was supposed to be.
however little did i know that my other problems were just about to arise. in that other campus i was told to stay in a stupid little wooden house called 'Challet'. as cute and as european it may seem in the evening, that place is NO fun at night. the floor boards creaked everytime someone walks on it. my balcony door could not be locked. the bathroom and toilet was so far apart and above all it gives me the CREEPS. call me stupid, i dun care but that place SUCKS big time.

the next day i requested for a room change for that wasn't what i was promised and its definitely not whats shown in the school brochure. i requested for a room change and when the receptionist asked 'Whats the Problem' i just said 'uncomfortable' and u know what she replied? 'i know its uncomfortable' @@ THEN WHY PLACE ME THERE??!! later i was told by my parents that there was a mistake here and there made by God knows Siapa. the mistake was that i was supposed to be at the campus which i was brought to yesterday!

Today's the 3rd day. tomorrow's the beginning of class. i've got books like "Sales And Service for the Wine Professionals", "Professional Table Service", " Planning and Control Of Food and Beverage Operations" just to name a few. it's not gonna be easy but i didn't come here just to spend my parents' money. that'd be stupid i'd rather spend them at HOME! i came here to study and to do my best. i can't guarantee i'd get honors or whatnot but i'll be giving it my all, i promised to myself.

i'll be uploading pictures just as promised, if i do get wireless in my room. i'll be checking my mail often though so please send me mails from home whoever u are.

missing everyone back home.

Miss Me Too!

Jon

Last Day In Ipoh (sorta)

2006-08-29T23:47:00.000+08:00

forget 26th, its already the 29th and by the time i'm finished with this post it would probably be the 30th. the hours just seem to be flying by and i'm only wasting every single one of them. thats how i'm feeling right now. this is the last day i'd be in Ipoh for the next 1 year ++. i dun even know when will i be back. instead of doing something special to commemorate this momentous occasion i'm sitting in front of my comp.

being the 'emotional' person that i am, i should be telling my goodbyes to just about everything... the hill outside my hse, the stray dogs that loiter around, the funky smell in my room, my broken toilet bowl.. the list goes on. however i'm not. its like i know that i wont be seeing these things for quite some time but my mind seems to be too lazy to care. }

enuff lazy talk la, i'll just end here by wishing everything i own and somethings i don't own in Ipoh a big big Goodbye. Goodbye.

26th already?!

2006-08-26T16:31:00.000+08:00

it's 5 more days to Merdeka and i can already feel the anxious-ness in me. right now i'm like 'Wow, i'd be spending my next Weekend in Switzerland!' / 'Sigh, i'd be spending my next Weekend in Switzerland!' / 'Errr, should i really be thinking about the next weekend?'

get what i'm trying to say? i'm Excited and Anxious and still Lazy at the same time! i felt like i'm wasting my 'last days' in Malaysia (for now at least) by sitting in front of the comp doing nothing. so in order to boost productivity i decided to do the next best thing to nothing - blogging!

sadly there's nothing much i wanna say also. i'm having this super small gathering tonight with some of my good-est good-est buddies. its not even a party of the smallest scale, just some get together / 'how've you been' session... i really hate this period of 'going away and adapting' if i had the Universal Remote Control from Click i'd gladly push the 'Skip' button, BUT after watching Click i learnt that we gotta cherish life whatever the circumstances.

oh and if u haven't watched Click go watch it. its good, seriously.. u'd be surprise to learn a moral lesson or 2 from it as well. anyway, here are some pictures of me French Classmates as promised. i malas to on my laptop where all the pictures are so i just take from me Friendster.

My 'French' Classmates - a rather jolly bunch of people i may add.

"Farewell Lunch" at some 'French Vietnamese' Restaurant, nothing French about it at all...

My Tablemate Simon, My Free Ride to LRT station [Thanks Daniel :)], The Nicest 'School-Keeper' i've met Vincent.

The End Of 5 Weeks

2006-08-17T22:14:00.000+08:00

Me Bed For The Past 5 Weeks

for the past 5 week's i've been learning French in KL. 5 weeks IS short but it FEELS even shorter. I could remember the first day of French class as if it were only 4 weeks 6 days ago, and here i am today, hours before me last day of French class.

however i couldn't say i'll be missing French classes that much thanks to some teacher of 'BIG porpotions'. hmmm, i feel rather glad to be leaving yet somehow i macam sikit berat hati le. i've met some really (insert compliment here) ppl in French Class, i'm hoping to snap some pics of them tomorrow and exploit em on me blog.

french class aside, it also means Merdeka's getting closer! i'm excited yet not too excited, kinda anxious yet not anxious enuff to make be get all serious about finalising me packing and stuff. sigh, i'm still in me Holiday Mood. i feel like i should be doing so much yet i'm spending me everyday Sleeping -> Waking -> Eating -> Toileting -> Sleeping. like i said i'm still to lazy to break the cycle. in fact i'm gonna honor the cycle by going to the loo and sleeping somewhere in the next 45 minutes!

Good Night people.

1945 : 'It Was Just Against Humanity'

2006-08-07T22:24:00.000+08:00

August 6th 1945 - US drops atomic bomb on Hiroshima

August 9th 1945 - Atomic Bomb hits Nagasaki

those dates meant little significance to me but after watching a 2-part Documentary on the Discovery Channel called 'Hiroshima' i wanted to voice out what i thought about the attack.

i always knew that how was World War 2 ended. i heard it from my grandparents, i read it in school history books. i always thought the attack made by the Americans was a necessity and thus justified. Japan was the 'evil' one, conquering nations, killing thousands, there can be no doubt about that. yet after watching the documentary, the re-telling of what happened and the re-enactment i had another view - It Was Just Against Humanity.

throughtout the documentary, there were interviews among first-hand witnesses of that day, both the American side and the Japanese side. as you would have guessed, the Americans thought it was necessary and i quote one of the member among the bombing crew ' i wasn't thinking of those who died, i was thinking of those who didn't have to' as valiant as that sounds i bet the innocent Japanese civillians didn't think so.

the documentary showed a few re-enactments as they were being re-told by the victims themselves. and there was this particular one where a mother retold how she had to leave her daughter to burn alive under rubble. in the re-enactment, you could hear the sound of a little girl crying out for her mother, screaming 'Mommy where are you' 'Don't Leave Me' 'It Hurts' over and over again while the helpless mother could only reply in tears 'Please forgive me, i am a bad mother to you'

just watching the re-enactment made my heart 'sink'. just imagine what it would be like actually living through those moments. those victims did not deserve any second of it. it would be futile to debate whether was that an act of necessity or a crime against humanity. i know many more have suffered such a fate and therefore don't you think it's a time we started to 'THINK with our HEARTS? the phrase 'without suffering there would be no compassion' sounded like bull shit to me. yet after watching the documentary i definitely felt this overwhelming sense of compassion.

BUT haven't we all had more than enough SUFFERING to start having a sense of compassion? after thousands of years of conflict and suffering haven't we learnt the value of life? i know TALK IS CHEAP. the world leaders today have done well to prove that.

before i get too political pls check out this link http://news.bbc.co.uk/onthisday/hi/witness/august/9/newsid_4720000/4720807.stm
its a witness story about the attack on Nagasaki.

life is a precious gift given to each of us, you have your share please don't take other's.

Sounds From The Past

2006-08-05T00:40:00.000+08:00

can't sleep, sick of everything on my current playlist, looked around for any old CDs lying about and i saw one very special CD. that CD was given to me 2 years back. its a very special CD because of very special yet obvious reasons. haha.

it contains 12 love songs, love songs that didn't mean much to me until recently. talk about late. actually it is TOO LATE. looking back from my perspective it was a terrible lost, yet apparently now i realised it couldn't have been a better solution. the timing was a total mess. it wouldn't have worked out.

as Keith Urban sings in he's song You'll Think Of Me - ' It seems the only blessing I have left to my name, Is not knowin' what we could have been, What we should have been.'

errr.. what am i talking about? oh nothing.. you know me - i'm the most emo boy ever.

so excuse me as i lol and sigh at the past. and remember the lesson we learnt today..

TIMING IS EVERYTHING

don't RUSH it...

and

don't f**kin PROCRASTINATE....

Troubled Thoughts

2006-08-01T17:21:00.000+08:00

its been a few days since Kean Yip's tragic death. i could see MSN nicks wishing him peace, some wishing for justice, others showing a 'rose' as a kind of remembrance to him.

death could have different meanings to different people. as a Christian i believe that there is heaven and hell. simple enough, yet the catch is that not every Good Person goes to heaven - only those who have accepted Jesus as Saviour does. Now i do not intend to explain or preach here. anyway, as i was chattin with Wai Sam yesterday i found out Kean Yip wasn't a Christian, and we both very well know what that means.

i wanted to do something, i wanted to pray for him but how? from what i know it's already too late. my friend adviced me to pray for peace for he's family and to bless him in Jesus' name, besides that there's nothing i could do. now if u read my previous post you may be wondering why am i praying for him and all seeing that i couldn't get along with him while he was alive. its not because i felt bad or anything, its because i understand how painful it can be to find out the truth that you're friend/you're son/you're brother is in Hell.

think about it, Kean Yip was a good person in general, he was a promising student with a bright future and suddenly in an instance it was all gone. He was brutally murdered and no doubt suffered before death, it would only be fair that he's found peace after suffering those final moments. yet truth says otherwise. Zhu Whee made a point in his comment. i'm sure my questions, my thoughts is now running through he's mind as well.

as Zhu Whee said, he's not blaming God, but these are the questions we can't help but ask. If you're a non Christian reading this it would have been impossible for me not to have offended you. i know because I was offended. but whatever faith we're practicing, i think the least we could do is to offer Kean Yip and he's Family a prayer.

Death Of A Friend

2006-07-31T13:15:00.000+08:00

Monday 31 July 2006
The Star page N10

"Hacked Victim Made Final Phone Call To Dad, Then Died"

That victim is Lee Kean Yip, i'm sure most of you who studied in Sam Tet knows him. I heard the news from my dad this morning after he was told by my friend's mother and later saw the news on the newspaper. my deepest condolences to Kean Yip's family.

I knew Kean Yip since Kindergarten. If i were to tell u we were good frens then that would make me the biggest liar ever. That said I have nothing against him and is appalled by the news of his death. I'm sorry we weren't able to get along but even more i'm sorry for the lost of a friend to many others. I deeply regret that at such moments i couldn't think of much to say about him for anything else i should say would be made up for this occasion. I do, however have something to say to my friends upon pondering about Kean Yip's ill fate.

I've heard someone say, People Come And Go In Our Lives. Indeed they do. some come and go without us noticing while others leave permanent 'marks' in our lives. to those who have touched my life, you will never be forgotten. i remember telling someone, i duno what will our friendship be in 5 years? 10 years? from now but that moment we shared will always be remembered. its not even 6 months after i said that and we're already not as close as we used to be.. sigh, lol.... i hate to sigh and laugh but sometimes I can't help looking back with a little hint of regret and find a dash of humour in my past.

well... i sure hope i left a mark or 2 in someone's life, i sure hope i touched a life or 2 (or at least i'm Hoping to) but whatever the case, its still the same old saying - Life is Short, you'll never know whats gonna happen. so let's all try to be grateful for our days and not take anything for granted (hypocrite talking) but seriously... May The Lord's Grace Be Upon Us

Au Revoir Mademoiselle Laurre-Anne

2006-07-30T18:53:00.000+08:00

u dun need to know french to understand that. remember that French-French Female French Teacher I mentioned? she's leaving us!! just after 4 lessons and she's leaving. Poor us. she'll be leaving for Syria next week, so much for Fun and Relaxing French Class, now its Sarcastic and Pressurized French Class.

the whole class is lamenting her departure, she only taught us for 4 days, 4 lessons and we already tak sampai hati, thats because she's really sweet and encouraging unlike a certain other teacher who thinks sarcasm is cool. lucky for me though i only have 3 more weeks of intensive French which i know the whole class is so envious of :P

i'm finally leaving on 31st August - Hari Merdeka. well i guess its merdeka for me in more ways than one. after more than half a year of lazying-rotting-unproductiveness i hope i can cope with my soon to be busy schedule. or else i'll be so disoriented i could only lie down on Switzerland's green green grass and cry. they'll be 9 fellas leaving with me for this Term but only 2 would be in Year 1 with me. and guess what, i'm the only guy among the malaysian Year 1s. sounds so nice kan? yet nice it is not! i've met one of the girls and she seems rather, snobish? i duno, its not good to judge let alone not knowing her at all but one thing's for sure, she could definitely kick my butt!

i'm eager and almost prepared to leave. still got some stuff belum beli. i'm eager to start studying, to start making new friends, i'm excited about my new environment and all... i'm sure most of you felt such zeal/passion before college life as well yet from what i see very soon everything starts to turn into reality. oh, harsh harsh reality. i see some of my friends struggling with tests, some seem to get super stressed and a certain someone who's college life to me seems soooo complicated and busy i'd pray i wouldn't fall into her shoes. i know all you ppl are already in college la, some enjoying some suffering. well its my turn for college now, may God Bless Me.

French Class, KL and more...

2006-07-26T22:15:00.000+08:00

i've been in KL for awhile and i can speak a sentence or 2 in french. Yay me. but i've never really put my thoughts about all these in words, so here goes...

French is HARD, freakin hard! my only consolation is that i kinda know Mandarin/Chinese which is assumed to be Harder than French, and that does give me a sorta confident boost. If i managed to survive Chinese, French should be manageble right? i'm learning French at Alliance Francaise (duno how to pronounce properly? i dun blame you, its french) its recommended by the French Embassy so its kinda like the official French Language School or something. Most of the administrators there are French and so are the teachers. One exception being one of my teacher - a French-Born, French-Studied Malaysian. I have 2 teachers, one being Fino the Malay-French guy and Laurre-Anne the French-French gal. overall both are great but whats better than a French-French Female French teacher right?

My class consist of 12 fellas. We are as diverse as diverse can be, with ages ranging from 16-comparatively old. there's a consultant, a to-be pilot, rich femme au foyes(housewives) and you get me - the lazy, blurr guy. my classmates are great, despite our age gap and stuff. its definitely one of the more mature classes i've attended, (that doesn't mean we're no fun tho!!) everyone's really helpful and friendly. oh and i've met one of the nicest 'Jaga' ever!! i sure hope the swiss are as nice as em. so Class is nice, but Trips to Classes not so. the school is located at the other part of town from where i'm staying now, so its either my dad who fetches me there or its the LRT for me. LRT rides in the morning are Sardine-ish. yet you may come across a pretty young woman or 2 if ur lucky which seriously brightens up the ride alot.

which brings us to the story of Someone's Sassy Girl. know the korean movie My Sassy Girl? shame on you if u dun, go do a wiki on it and u'd be surprise how much u've missed. i know i was. the movie starts at a Subway. Subway, LRT, SAME LA! and this guy saw this drunk cute girl and the rest was magic. i on the other hand saw no drunk girl, felt no magic but i did come across some pretty pretty young women while in KL. and the moment i saw em, i knew.. i Had to Grow Taller. (dun ask k, dun ask.)

behind the french classes, lousy transportation and girls is of course Growing Up. i'm not implying that i'm grown up let alone doing a good job trying to grow up. what i'm saying is that if there's a best time for me to start learning about the Lessons Of Life it would be now. i'm about to face new experiences, they'll be so much to know and learn. i could either grasp em or waste em. may i make good choices. happie day people.

... and i will try to fix you

2006-07-24T14:05:00.000+08:00

if u were in my head right now you'd definitely hear this song. its fix you by coldplay and its stuck in my head! i could so relate to this song it seems like its written for me. lol, ok fine so it was written by Chris for his wife after the death of her father, so nice of him. despite the fact that it's for a person who's mourning the lost of someone beloved the lyrics of this song could very well be what most 'not-so-happie' people are going thru right now. so for you 'not-so-happie' people right now i dedicate this song to you. and rejoice that ur not feeling like shit all alone. i feel you.. oh how i feel you..

Coldplay - Fix You

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below
when you're too in love to let it go
but If you never try you'll never know
Just what your worth

Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears streaming down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears streaming down your face and I

Tears streaming down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you